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themoonman
themoonman
Jan 30, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A little something

There are no easy-pour instructions

for the way I feel inside.

I can't place it in a package,

not sure who I am this time...
 

am I the father losing patience,

or the teacher bending rules,

the son trying not to fake it

or the husband scared I'll lose.
 

No miracle-in-a-bag sollutions,

why are choices always hard.

No answers to the question,

have I really done my part.
 

I need an index, something to go by,

an occasional sub-title along the way,

something to keep my mind from straying...

what was on my schedule today.


— themoonman, Jan 30, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

More from this author

Critiques

P

poewriter58

18 years 4 months ago

questions

There are no easy answer to all of your questions that you so well stated. I suppose we have all asked these at one time or another in our lives. nicely written Chrys
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 3 months ago

The theme is humbling

a few slight possiblities. No answer for*(To) your question, have I realy done my part? I need an index, something to go by, an occasional sub-title on the*(along?) way, In ink, dabbler
themoonman

themoonman

18 years 3 months ago

Nobox....

How are ya? thanks for reading and leaving good suggestions..I think that, for or to, either one fit in the sentence, but along does sound more lyrical...I also wasn't quite happy with the title or the last line...Humbling might be a better title.....thanks again.
B

blistered-pen

18 years 3 months ago

nice

like the rhyming. your stuff is real nice. i think i'll be watching for your name as well. kudos =) "something to keep my mind from straying.. What was I supposed to do today?"
EA

eric ashford

18 years 2 months ago

Hi Moonman I would cut

Hi Moonman I would cut almost all of the questions and their question marks out. Really :-0 The poem does not need them. For instance--- There are no easy pour instructions for the way I feel inside. I can’t place it in a package, not sure who I am this time- am I the father losing patience the teacher bending rules the son trying not to fake it or the husband scared I’ll lose. No miracle in a bag sollutions. I need an index, something to go by, an occasional sub-title along the way. What was I supposed to do today? ~~ See what I mean, much tighter and direct. What do you think? Feel free to ignore All the best eric
T

Tragic_Bliss

18 years 2 months ago

liked it

but i thought it was spelled really not realy......... slang maybe.... lol $DEY KNOW$
Seren

Seren

16 years 8 months ago

Dear Richard

Dont know why but this poem felt like a sort of map through a man's life ... dont ask me where that come from ... awesome work though one thing No miracle-in-a-bag sollutions,--- solutions ? doesnt that have just one [l] Or maybe I am tired lol didnt get much sleep last night (hug) Love and higgest bugs Jayne x x