Playing the numbers

Twenty two foot ring

Ten months extensive training

Three children at home

Seventeen and 0

Six pallbearers

one round.

— themoonman, Jan 19, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Critiques

j_h08

18 years 4 months ago

I like this. I see the

I like this. I see the picture unfolding, the training, and then the sacrifice. Do not quite understand the " Seventeen and 0 " line but the rest is clear.

themoonman

18 years 4 months ago

Hi, thanks for reading and

Hi, thanks for reading and taking time to comment. The seventeen and 0 refers to his record in the ring. I am a fan of boxing and the contact sports. They put it all on the line.

orgami

18 years 4 months ago

round

enjoyed this peice know well overwhelmn O

themoonman

18 years 4 months ago

Hi O...

thanks for commenting...hope life has found you well today.

IKnowNoBox

18 years 4 months ago

I as well like the contact sports

Brief and to the Punch

Sinbadthesailorman

18 years 4 months ago

Nice Ideal here would make a great prelude to a poem about

Our young men in the military this is where I thought you where going at first and I got lost on the record 17-0 too I think because there was no one fighter brought into light a little vague until I read your commit but then drawn in and together I hate days like this over tired and can't think or rethink as fast as I am thinking for corect spelling and thought processing to share my thoughts it does take a lot of work and rework I'm not sure if people understand what it is that I have to do to communicate in written style or verbal for that matter this is one reason I love this site it gives me a reason Too Sinbad/Donnie Maybe a title change for when i think playing the numbers I think gambling and though sports is a part of it is not the whole something along the line of which sport boxing or the ultimate fight game in the title might jump start the thought process in the rest of the poem is sad big money can kill you ten month to get killed in a ring

muttering_madwoman

18 years 2 months ago

can't agree

playing the numbers makes sense: playing, life, playing, a play on words more than once, the numbers tell the tale. ambiguity isn't a negative thing; by it's use there is more than one story in these few words, more than one meaning and way to read the poem. it engages the reader with a mystery to be solved, in a very straightforward manner that belies its further layers. it doesn't spell everything out, even though it promises simplicity. it has bite as the end result. keep the title. it works perfectly. I appreciate not having everything spelled out and spoonfed to me--again, it engages the reader.