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Janice Pearce
Janice Pearce
Jan 05, 2008 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Struggle

A turbulent storm disrupts the serene

it seizes control over one man's fate

almosty swept away, he clings to his dreams

then new hope is given to all hearts that ache.

 

For perennials survive in dark attic rooms,

deprived of sustenance, hidden from sight

battling obstacles so they may re-bloom

expelling new fragrances to unfinshed lines.

 

 

— Janice Pearce, Jan 05, 2008

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

A

Ancientone

18 years 5 months ago

No problem here...

your message is quite clear. People, like flowers do bloom once again, given new light and someone to see them. I know from experience! You have one typo, 1st word in 3rd line, drop the "y". The last line seems to me should reflect something a bit different though, maybe something to replace "journals set aside." The message is quite clear the way it is though. Have a great day poet! :) Patrick
Janice Pearce

Janice Pearce

18 years 5 months ago

The Struggle

You are right about the typo thanks for your thoughts still editing this one, needed feedback thanks again!
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 5 months ago

Great first stanza

I wouldn't change a thing there. The second stanza loses some of the rhythm and fluidity that the first has. Once correction, I think you mean "sustenance" where you have "sustence." I'd work on the second stanza a bit and see what you can do there. Give it a solid conclusion. The last line is a great idea, but it seems like it could be better expressed. Thaks for sharing, Janice! ~ Ronda
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 4 months ago

something is still missing

You have a beginning and conclusion; it seems to need a climax in the center. Perhaps a stanza between the two? Your message isn't difficult to understand. There is just something that I can't put my finger on here. (spelling in "unfinished" needs corrected - just a typo, I'm sure) ~ Ronda
P

purplemoondoll

18 years 5 months ago

A turbulent storm disrupts the serene

Great opening line. I agree with Ronda re the second verse - it loses something along the way somehow and then picks up again at the end. I look forward to seeing what you come up with. :-) I like the title and the theme though. The first verse is great. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.