don't want

nodding off to sleep
in the smoothly nestled
cucumber of midday

i beat a jagged path through
black mazes formed in the soft
embrace of your eyelashes, and
scaled melting gallows of
stained glass from which you hung
smiling in the icy oasis of dream.

so happy here, baking in
your hidden noose under a blue
synthetic sunshine. finding your
way into my dreams again like
a crusted green penny i'd forgotten
to discard. or copper syrup
smeared with the scattered glee
of glazed reverie.

and i won't untie you
i have hands of skin now.
and two eyes meant for the
waking days.

you can sway there
because i don't want to be you

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Comments

purplemoondoll

18 years 4 months ago

Yes I liked this

Especially these lines. i beat a jagged path through black mazes formed in the soft embrace of your eyelashes, and scaled melting gallows of stained glass from which you hung smiling in the icy oasis of dream. The only question I have is who is 'you?' or is this open to interpretation? There is some powerful imagery here. A pleasure to read as always. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

IKnowNoBox

18 years 4 months ago

Awesome,an unsettling vision

with cruise control.With a scent of something else...metallic. 'i beat a jagged path through black mazes formed in the soft embrace of your eyelashes, and scaled melting gallows of stained glass from which you hung smiling in the icy oasis of dream.' this stanza will stay with me. In ink, Dabbler

RSScheerer

18 years 4 months ago

Not to be unoriginal

but that second stanza really grabbed me as well. It is simply gorgeous. ~ Ronda

weirdelf

18 years 4 months ago

The last time I gave you serious crit about your style

your laptop started playing up. And we didn't hear from you for days. I don't question for a second that you are a seriously good poet and major wordcrafter. But I would really love to hear you write a sonnet or haiku. I feel you are limiting yourself by adhering to your own style. Now tell me to fuck off. Just my opinion. cheers, Jess

Quillsvein1

18 years 4 months ago

come now

jess. you actually think the reason my "laptop started playing up" was because you criticized me about my style? are you kidding me? i'm privileged to have your advice at all, and i'm not quite that sensitive. nope, as humbling as it may be, it was not your advice that prompted my absence but the actual defectiveness of my laptop. sorry. i've written sonnets. i know about cadence, prosody, et al et al. haikus i find a little superfluous, abstract and vague unless done by someone who actually has an idea of what they are doing. happy new year! best

weirdelf

18 years 4 months ago

of course I am joking.

didn't think for a second you were sulking. I miffed Chuck recently by taking the piss, I should be more careful with my bent sense of humour. But you know, you give me pause for thought. Perhaps I am challenging you because it's me that needs to experiment more with different more disciplined forms. I would love to write a villanelle, but Thomas overawes me absolutely with "Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night". sonnets are not too hard, and I adore the haiku form, even when it does not adhere closely to the traditional structure and precepts. I have written a Grazzii2 "The Demon Sleep". You know I love your work, darling 8) cheers, Jess