themoonman

Dec 21, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Cabinet

Her corner cabinet shines.

Filled with carousels and memories,

on the surface...life is fine.

But the room is dark
and the eerie sadness overwhelms

as the gloom solidifies.

Unanswered mail has its own corner,

motivation has escaped her.

Sleep controls the day,

the rest is spent in pain.

The light is on in the cabinet he gave her.

Everything is dusted, in its own special place,

but in the shiny glass, crying...

she can see her face.

— themoonman, Dec 21, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Critiques

purplemoondoll

18 years 5 months ago

Beautifully Written

I really enjoyed reading this from beginning to end. You have used some excellent imagery to convey the sadness and lonliness of the character. The emotion is felt clearly and the story flows beautifully. I especially like these lines:- But the room is dark, the eerie sadness overwhelms as the gloom solidifies. The theme of The cabinet works well to tell the story. NIce work :-) Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

themoonman

18 years 5 months ago

Thank you

Hi Kaz, this piece was actually a moment in someone very special's life...the imagery was there...thank you for reading...

purplemoondoll

18 years 5 months ago

Rereading

My apologies my first reaction to this one of memories relived with sadness, now rereading I can see what you are referring too. Its a great piece of writing. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

themoonman

18 years 5 months ago

Please

Please don't apologise...the best thing about poetry is it may strike any reader differantly...I love it...

blistered-pen

17 years 5 months ago

ha!

I've got you! you spelled differently wrong. :) just had to.

themoonman

17 years 5 months ago

love it...

smiling at your catching me.... thenoomnam

Proprietress o…

17 years 5 months ago

happy birthday,

this piece caught my attention because it is almost a year old! Mr. Moonman, you tell a very sad tale... but this is a great write, especially the last three lines. I know my praise is a year too late, but I just couldn't get here any sooner... your Proprietress

themoonman

17 years 5 months ago

Proprietress...

Thank you for digging this one up... it is one that is close to my heart... Richard

Arrow

17 years 5 months ago

Oppressive depression,

as remarked above, comes through clearly. Is it harder to bear or harder to watch? It's hard to say. A grammatical point- "it’s own corner," --> its "it’s own special place," --> its. I wonder if eliminating the lines where you tell us the emotion (e.g., "motivation has escaped her") would tighten this up. You've already shown the feeling well, i.e., stacks of unopened mail. I've been there with the mail myself. Good write.

themoonman

17 years 5 months ago

Arrow...

harder to bear or watch... a great question! It affects all involved... motivation has escaped her... I tend to agree with you there as well but feel omitting a line there completely may not be the answer... let me come back to it... Have a wonderful holiday this season my straight-shooting friend... I love it when you read one of my poems... you have a great eye for improvement... Richard

blistered-pen

17 years 5 months ago

ah, sleep.

an easy, routine escape. I do love your poetry. It's wonderful. a death? I understand it's close to your heart, as you've mentioned in an above comment.. but is that what it is? motivation is hard. sometimes, it just lifts you right up, then it's gone when you remember just why it couldn't touch you before. I hope she's okay.

themoonman

17 years 5 months ago

blistered-pen...

thank you for reading... I smile every time I see you on the board let alone on one of my little attempts at the art of poetry... thank you... a death... well, only in spirit so far... this is about someone very close to me that has been locked in such a depression that it has affected everyone around her and most of all... her. There seems to be no way out... she has attempted suicide at least once, and it saddens me so much to see her like this... she has a truly vibrant persona... or used to anyway... is she ok? I don't think so... she has been on all sorts of meds for years that have not helped in the least, in fact I think they have made her worse... sorry for dumping this here, sometimes it helps to know that someone else is listening... thank you for being here! Richard

Ink Dragon

17 years 5 months ago

Richard,

this is so sad! And you have captured this sad moment with beautifully written words. Personally, I would not leave out the "motivation" line. Maybe interchanging the two lines would do the trick? (Like: motivation has escaped her/unanswered mail has its own corner). Let me know what you think, Ink

weirdelf

17 years 5 months ago

it is liquid sadness

and beautifully written, and... this coming back after a year, seeing Kaz's comment. cheers, Jess