themoonman

Dec 15, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Solid

In this land of oppurtunity

who really has it all...

is it the man that can't count everything

or the same man when he falls?

The prestigious and powerful,

got us by the balls...

but in the varying confusion

we make our own call.

Would you say you were ready if you could see down the road,

will your voice be as steady when it's your time to go?

Bottom rung of the ladder, greased, to keep down the trash.

Slipping down where real matters, foundations made to last.

All this angry confusion, bitterness and contempt.

Always someone else choosing the way our minutes are spent.

In this land of oppurtunity, wipe the grease from your hands,

rock solid on the bottom, find yourself if you can.

I see something from nothing,

last in line, I'm the Man.

Chosen battles stopped my running,

down here... I can stand.

— themoonman, Dec 15, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Critiques

RSScheerer

18 years 5 months ago

Written with obvious honesty and grit

I think what you have here is the footwork for a powerful piece. If you would, a few suggestions that were given to me by an editor not so long ago - instead of asking questions, answer them. It gives the work a validity that questions cannot. Take a moment and look it over with this new perspective and see if you understand what I'm saying. If you do decide to retain the current form, be consistent with punctuation and careful with spelling, e.g. "powerfull" should be "powerful." If you are going to ask a question and use punctuation throughout the piece, do so properly with question marks and the like. Even freeform needs correct grammar and punctuation when it is used. This is a great piece with an honest message that I believe every reader recognizes. Nicely done.

themoonman

18 years 5 months ago

Thank you

I thank you very much for your suggestions, that is really why I am here...I have been writing for a long time...I totally appreciate the constructive criticism...and I thank you for reading my piece and getting it....

Barbara Writes

18 years ago

Well writen

Smiles:) Barbara Sounds good to me. Does trash refer to people? All this angry confusion, bitterness and contempt. Seems placed doesn't flow with the rest, one word may change that, not sure what. Reality sounds better to me. maybe can use-- and to connect some of your sentences for example: matter and foundation. just some suggestion may not be important to what your theme is about.

themoonman

18 years ago

Hi Barbara...

thank you for reading and commenting... yes, in this trash refers to people... I don't expect everyone can identify with being looked upon like that by the more fortunate.. but some do.. thank you for your suggestions.. I will kick it around and see what comes from it. Richard

Mark

18 years ago

I feel more confident

pushing up a 40 foot ladder than standing on one at thirty feet (if that makes any sense lol ) I like this poem. Just looking down the road won't get us there. The long lines work great. Mark

themoonman

18 years ago

Hi Mark...

thanks for reading... and that makes perfect sense.. I'd rather be grounded these days as well.. Richard

DarkinAZ

18 years ago

If trash is a characteristic,

Than happy I am to be, for I see nothing wrong with a man made of everyone else's expectations gone bad, "the bottom of the barrel" if you will. For the the refuse of elite is the foundation of a decent man. I really enjoyed this write, Richard and as you have told me on previous occassions I will tell you, It is good to see you here friend. Sincerely, Mark

themoonman

18 years ago

Hi Mark...

thanks for reading my poem... I have had a lot of problems with my computer lately.. bought a good one and then bought top of the line Norton to protect it... I have had nothing but trouble every since the Norton was loaded... sorry.. this isn't the place to complain about software...thanks again for reading and commenting.. Richard

Barbara Writes

18 years ago

Hi Richard

Smiles:) Barbara I too bought a new computer but I bought oncare virus protection never had any problem, it does all the work for me. I just follow the instruction. Have had problems in the past. Not suggesting you go out and buy it. but I almost bought it but change at last moment. what is it doing? if I may ask.

R.M.Shanmugam

17 years 8 months ago

solid

The ground solid, though rough is better than a smooth, soft cushion to deliver things from. Good writing.

themoonman

17 years 8 months ago

R.M.

I thank you for digging up this piece of mine to read and comment on... honored that you did... Richard