Race_9togo

Dec 09, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Aftermath

There’s a husband

Never gonna touch his wife again

There’s a granddad

Those grandkids won’t ever hug again

There are mothers

That won’t ever

Hold their son or daughter close

There’s a father

Who can’t ever

Take back the son he’s lost

There’s a step mom

Who didn’t ever

See the boy as any kind of son

There’s a foster home

Breathing relief

That he did it

After they were done with him,

There’s a judge,

And some prosecutors,

A father

And some social workers

Their hands all washed like Pilate’s

When the kid aged past eighteen,

And there’s a nurse

And her husband

Both whom actually cared,

Left wondering

What they could have done

To stop one more defeated kid

From murdering eight strangers

With a gun.

I don’t really like this too much, it needs a lot of work.

— Race_9togo, Dec 09, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Critiques

meic

18 years 6 months ago

This is expressed eloquently

This is expressed eloquently and clearly and your reasoning is very easy to follow. I'm sure that everybody would totally agree with sentiments of the first seven lines - it's the rest that leaves me [and this is just my opinion] uneasy. In my view we perhaps give too much credence to contributory factors in cases like this - this was after all a man who planned deliberately to take people's lives. He had a hard life? Certainly but no worse than millions of other young people who see no need to take their anger out so drastically on others - even his self-murder does not expiate this heinous crime. We do young people no favours if we absolve them from responsibility for their actions because of perceived injustices. Please note this is NOT a criticism of you, but of a commonly-held modern attitude. Iechyd da [Good Health - Welsh] Mike

Race_9togo

18 years 6 months ago

Thanks Mike

That was my whole point, to make the reader feel uneasy, whether or not the opinion is right or wrong. So I guess I got it right - at least, I hope I did. Thank you for your criticism though, it is very much appreciated, and to be honest I share your opinions on the subject!

Ingulubi

18 years 5 months ago

Sad

Yes, sadly the cycle of violence continues so predictably. I liked this, it is definitely going somewhere, but as you say it does need some polishing. The way you caught the ideas is short lines worked very well. I'm curious, you say it is free-form, yet the rhymes coming through say different. Improvements? well for me the capitals beginning each line don't help, particularly with the enjambered parts. Then I would look at the line breaks, sometimes splitting up closely fragments the thoughts. Well done anyway, a sad but good little poem!