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themoonman
themoonman
Dec 08, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Flying balloons

I bought a stamp for her collection.
 

It had heart balloons,

flying I-love-you's.

A generous-eyed bug,

offering gigantic hugs.
 

Not much, a rubber stamp....
 

I dropped it in the oversized bag,

with the card I made,

and the picture of me,

flying balloons,

with I love you's.


— themoonman, Dec 08, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

More from this author

Critiques

M

meic

18 years 6 months ago

I think this says a huge

I think this says a huge amount about true tenderness with such sparse words. You are to commended for your brevity. Iechyd da [Good Health - Welsh] Mike
themoonman

themoonman

18 years 5 months ago

Hello..

Wow... I appreciate your comments. Sad thing is my wife liked the poem better than the picture...lol
C

CaptainKrash

17 years 9 months ago

...

sometimes brevity and simplicity is all love really is. i think people tend to complicate it entirely too much. this was sweet. ^_^ good write.
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

Hi there again...

you had to go back to dig this one up... thank you! and you are right, we as human beings do tend to over-complicate the simple things... over-thinking beings we are at times. I appreciate you reading my forgotten write... I think it needs a little structuring... but as of yet it hasn't been done. thanks Richard
A

Arrow

17 years 9 months ago

Yes, tender

I agree with all the above comments. I don't think it requires any major restructuring. A few thoughts: He has heart balloons, - I'm a little confused here. Is "he" the salesperson and if so, should it be "had"? Or, are you talking about the stamp, which would be "it"? flying I love you’s, - "I love you"'s or I-love-you's? It seems to need something. A generous eyed bug, - and (or) a generous-eyed bug I can see why your wife would be pleased. This poem is a much beter gift!
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

thank you Arrow...

I think your suggestions help this little write out tremendously... thank you for the read of my poem... Richard
Rett

Rett

17 years 9 months ago

Richard

This is not in much need at all. Maybe what Arrow suggested. Quite a good write if you ask me although you didn't. *G* I like it. Sometimes what we think is the least likely thing a person will cherish is the one they most do. Well done. Somehow I guess I missed this or it was posted before I came. Respectfully, Rett: "The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor" Unknown
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

Rett...

thank you for the uplifting comment.. it means a lot coming from you.. you hadn't missed this one it was posted before you came to the site. thanks again Richard
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

Linda...

I like you... thank you for reading this one... as I told Rett this one was posted earlier... in fact it was the second or third poem I posted here.. and thanks to CaptainKrash, one of our new members, it got brought back to the first page again... I changed it a bit as per Arrow's suggestions... thank you again for reading and just for being here Richard
C

CaptainKrash

17 years 9 months ago

i thoroughly enjoyed

the revisions you made on this made me like it even more. just the small little tweaks on this made all the difference. hehe i'm glad i went way back for this one ;) great work
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 9 months ago

Ash...

I want to thank you again... I thought it made a big difference too.. . see.. your fresh eyes and voice are needed here... thank you Richard