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themoonman
themoonman
Dec 08, 2007 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Flying balloons

I bought a stamp for her collection.
 

It had heart balloons,

flying I-love-you's.

A generous-eyed bug,

offering gigantic hugs.
 

Not much, a rubber stamp....
 

I dropped it in the oversized bag,

with the card I made,

and the picture of me,

flying balloons,

with I love you's.


— themoonman, Dec 08, 2007

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

More from this author

Critiques

M

meic

18 years 7 months ago

I think this says a huge

I think this says a huge amount about true tenderness with such sparse words. You are to commended for your brevity. Iechyd da [Good Health - Welsh] Mike
themoonman

themoonman

18 years 7 months ago

Hello..

Wow... I appreciate your comments. Sad thing is my wife liked the poem better than the picture...lol
C

CaptainKrash

17 years 11 months ago

...

sometimes brevity and simplicity is all love really is. i think people tend to complicate it entirely too much. this was sweet. ^_^ good write.
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 11 months ago

Hi there again...

you had to go back to dig this one up... thank you! and you are right, we as human beings do tend to over-complicate the simple things... over-thinking beings we are at times. I appreciate you reading my forgotten write... I think it needs a little structuring... but as of yet it hasn't been done. thanks Richard
A

Arrow

17 years 11 months ago

Yes, tender

I agree with all the above comments. I don't think it requires any major restructuring. A few thoughts: He has heart balloons, - I'm a little confused here. Is "he" the salesperson and if so, should it be "had"? Or, are you talking about the stamp, which would be "it"? flying I love you’s, - "I love you"'s or I-love-you's? It seems to need something. A generous eyed bug, - and (or) a generous-eyed bug I can see why your wife would be pleased. This poem is a much beter gift!
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 11 months ago

thank you Arrow...

I think your suggestions help this little write out tremendously... thank you for the read of my poem... Richard
Rett

Rett

17 years 10 months ago

Richard

This is not in much need at all. Maybe what Arrow suggested. Quite a good write if you ask me although you didn't. *G* I like it. Sometimes what we think is the least likely thing a person will cherish is the one they most do. Well done. Somehow I guess I missed this or it was posted before I came. Respectfully, Rett: "The only thing observable with the naked eye to exceed the speed of light is rumor" Unknown
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Rett...

thank you for the uplifting comment.. it means a lot coming from you.. you hadn't missed this one it was posted before you came to the site. thanks again Richard
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Linda...

I like you... thank you for reading this one... as I told Rett this one was posted earlier... in fact it was the second or third poem I posted here.. and thanks to CaptainKrash, one of our new members, it got brought back to the first page again... I changed it a bit as per Arrow's suggestions... thank you again for reading and just for being here Richard
C

CaptainKrash

17 years 10 months ago

i thoroughly enjoyed

the revisions you made on this made me like it even more. just the small little tweaks on this made all the difference. hehe i'm glad i went way back for this one ;) great work
themoonman

themoonman

17 years 10 months ago

Ash...

I want to thank you again... I thought it made a big difference too.. . see.. your fresh eyes and voice are needed here... thank you Richard

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