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First Blood

Sweet five year-oldJust killed a bearHis granddad feels prideI just feel despair I don't knowI just shrugOnce he was a  bearNow, he'll be a rug Culling the herdsAre words we often hearBut, he was a top predatorHe wasn't a deer Some think it's goodTo teach our children blood lustBut, as far as I'm concernedI just feel disgust I know some feelThat hunting is shrewdBut, I think it's immoralIf you don't need the food  When a lack of judgment Is so apparent A license should be required To be a parent His granddad taught himHe must kill to stand tallBut, I hope in twelve yearsWe won't meet him in a mall! He will have some storiesAbout some real whoppersBut, I hope he doesn’t graduateFrom bears to shoppers! His parents will tell youThey did all they couldBut, you should never teach a five year-oldThat killing is good!

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reccaman

18 years 5 months ago

Very good title, it has a

Very good title, it has a nice play on words. The first six stanzas are very nice but the ending is a little fast and doesn't flow. But overall very good
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 4 months ago

Utterly applaude the ideas expressed.

And perhaps the form was the best way to express them, to get those thoughts across, but for me... well lets just say I like a little complexity, and.. this is hard to say and I don't know how to fix it... it seems to lack heart. I feel I am being told something (which I entirely agree with) but don't get your passion. cheers, Jess wishing you a Salubrious Solstice