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M
meic
Nov 29, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

LADY LIQUOR

LADY LIQUOR

Cry me a tear or two …
sugar sweet,
honey bunny;
catch spheres of sweat from your brow.
Compose me a cocktail of your distillations
a ravishing lavish loving liqueur.

A prudent man - oppressed by time -
should, perhaps, encache the vintage
in crystal carafe, within a silver bucket
brimful of brittle splintered ice
as liquid warranty labelled memory:
a source, a spring-in-winter well
against the dry and dusty days of drought
in the sere and withered years
which surely lie ahead.

This I cannot do.
I am a profligate man
of the here and now;
a tongue tip tasting traveller;
a reveller in the slick slides
of sweat-soaked sheets;
a licker of limpid lips and labia
and a bather in seasoned tears.
 
I save nothing and savour all.
So flow me my fill of fluid joy:
let it bead, bubble and bedew
in each delicious floral fold
and every moist and glistening curve

and I will drain your body toddy
as it truly should be drained
hot and strong
and now, my sweet love,
now.

 

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D

DeWaal

18 years 5 months ago

A toast to your poem

Hi Mike Here's my reading of your poem: It is built on the metaphor of a woman being a liquor like liqueur - "a ravishingly lavish loving liqueur." The speaker in the poem is "a profligate man". Not for him the putting away of the liquor in fine containers. He wants to enjoy it (her) to the full. And now, immediately. For "profligate" read "passionate". The poem celebrates passion, love for life, sexuality and tenderness. It is as rich in emotion as a good liqueur is in flavour. The poem has a compelling flow with just enough change in pace and tempo to make it interesting to read. The first stanza begins playfully and joyously with short statements and then jumps out of the blocks like an Olympic sprinter. Cry me a tear or two … sugar sweet, honey bunny; catch spheres of sweat from your brow. Compose me a cocktail of your distillations a ravishingly lavish loving liqueur. I tried hard to find something that I think could be improved and came across this: let it bead, bubble and bedew in each delicious crack and crevice "crack" and "crevice" Good alliteration but ... to my mind these words conjure up clashing images. The liquor and the woman both are all smoothness, curvature, softness suaveness. "Crack" and "crevice" are not friendly concepts in this context. I'll toast your poem tonight in my favourite cinsaut. Greetings De Waal
M

meic

18 years 5 months ago

Thanks so much for your

Thanks so much for your gratifying and most perceptive comment. I truly appreciate both the time you've given to the critique and the compliments. Sadly I am profligate as well as passionate! Your advice is excellent: 'crack' and 'crevice' do jar somewhat with the rest of the stanza, and I'll reconsider both. Sincere thanks ... and enjoy your cinsaut! Mike
D

DeWaal

18 years 5 months ago

Hic!

Mud in your eye ... :)
M

meic

18 years 5 months ago

Have substituted “floral

Have substituted "floral fold" for "crack and crevice" Thanks again for the suggestion. --------------------------------------------- btw Can you enlighten me, please? I'm told I've earned 135 points - how have I done that? what are points used for? Mike
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 5 months ago

Points

3 per comment etc. etc. They're to show how active you are on the site.There is I think a forum on points. In ink, Dabbler
theladyblue

theladyblue

18 years 5 months ago

Cheers

as sure as the southern peach, blush i do, and blush i shall... <3 Emarie
deelilah

deelilah

17 years ago

With all this blushing going on

I admit, the poem made me blush, but in a good way, and that's hard to do with sexually explicit material. I like the fine wine/alcohol metaphor; the internal rhyme, 'sugar sweet, honey bunny'; the flow of the writing is excellent; and the alliteration is magnificent. Well, I guess I liked it pretty much. Sincerely, Deelilah
M

meic

17 years ago

I try to provoke all blushes

I try to provoke all blushes 'in a good way' ... thank you so much for your complimentary comment. Mike "not all matterings of mind equal one violet" ~ e e cummings ~