Contemplating Time (by Lost to the Public )

I've grown so tired,
of living in constant paranoia.
just once I'd like to sit back and chill
although a delusion, a dream.
I fear that if I remain free,
that a curse I will live.
I could always trade in my freedom,
for an unjust punishment,
I fought so hard, so honestly to avoid.
I'm not bitching,
it just seems like I have sailed through life,
fulfilled to a half assed effort,
and amazingly managed,
to escape all remnants of "justice".
ironic you could say,
I really wanted sobriety,
a picture of self control.
sacrificing every shred within,
that hungered for the life before.
and now, NOW they tell me I don't WANT it bad enough?!
fighting for my rightful place among society,
only to be constantly degraded,
by a fiendish overly self indulgent waste of space,
that just happens to be in complete control?
Fuck that, my pride and self love,
far outweighs the shame,
that I could harbor,
time is never that long.
and they lose another torn down,
lost helpless soul to trample.
the only question that remains...
Do I move on to the stability that Ive already,
established, and wait for them?
Or do I man up, only to start again,some years from now?
in all honesty, the only question,
is the same its always been.