Thy Will Be Done

thanks for the memories. In ink, Dabbler

this has a beautiful greyness to it, and yet I think you could expand on it just a touch. Right after "turning my insides" I just feel it needs a bit... more. It is so abrupt there, and I feel it loses its emotional resonance at that point. But still it is a wonderful and homely piece. Mark W.

You took me there. I could hear and see you in the storm with arms wide open. I agree that maybe you could add to it a little after ' turning me inside out' to add more resonance to the feeling/sensations of the storm. Maybe another stanza? I dont know - See what you think. As its stands its a great read - I love the voice you use to capture the scene. Kaz It's impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.

Liked it! Suggest first line would be better as- Standing in the rain In L4 suggest you cut "that i crave" as you have already implied that. Change period in L2 Stanza 3 to comer L3 stanza 2. cut "and" - long, drawn out. L4 cut period. Stanza 4 cut all periods until end. All the best eric

I wouldn't change a thing these are your feelings and they should stand as such this is a good write as is,however I for one and it is only my opinion would like to see this extended a bit perhaps you might want to find a more dramatic word then turning(me inside and out) as the word turning seems mild in comparison to the strength of the thunder but that is purely a suggestion for you to toss about nice work Chrys