Unspoken regret

Unspoken regret

I awoke this morning, once again the nagging thought is there

berating me for not at least reporting this

telling the world of this excuse for a mans indiscretions

leaving him vulnerable at least to the worlds brutal inspections

but alas, as is the case with many of us

I kept quiet, I said nothing,

How many could I have saved from the same soul destroying fate?

Why did I wait, why have I kept silent, for now it is to late!

The tears and anguish of others, are now on my head

how many I still to this day will never know

but should our paths cross, it will immediately show

for it will be present in the depths of their eyes

the pain, the anger, the hurt, the crippling shame

this that was not meant to be theirs to carry

has become their burden, because I could not testify

I could not, put myself out there, and put an end to his beastly deeds

Then, frozen in fear, in the moment, the dark, the cold locked room

my heart beating faster and faster in fear and horror

ssshhhh my mind said, he will hear it and know your fear

he will revel in this that he is evoking, to me this was all to clear

yet in a haze it occurred, this heinous, dignity stripping act, so sadistic

Yet I said nothing, did I not want to be another, paper written statistic?

I did not want to face the prying eyes, the judging hearts, that constant question, WHY?

I did not want to explain, for I already knew whom was to blame

How could you not have done more to stop him

my mind screams this in the early hours of the morning

that time when everything else is quiet, at peace

yet my thoughts are clearly heard, needing to find their painful release!

To those of you who came after me

please know I am sorry, one simple word

an apology to late in its utterance, meaningless in it’s present context

but I need to say it, yet I know now it makes absolutely no sense

today I once again found myself in that dark, cold locked up room

the fear still throttling my courage, the anguish still sapping my strength

yet I have kept quiet, I said nothing, this thought still is one to loom

and now your tears and pain, are now my burden to bear

A high price to pay for self preservation