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Why I Love You

 

 

When I first saw your face and the

happiness emitting from

your eyes, they were

illuminating all of our surroundings,

leaving me blinded by

our connection to one another

Vaguely understanding what was happening in my heart

everyone else could clearly see

you were giving yourself to me completely, leaving

optimists reason to believe in their dreams

undoubtedly our souls are connected.

 

 

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wolfycat

wolfycat

18 years 6 months ago

One word...

I would change one word...but this is just me. In the line 'optimists reasons' ...I would change reasons to reason. It sounds correct this way... but I do not know your total thoughts when you wrote it... Just a suggestion. Your poem is still great whether you change it or not. Wolfy.
J

JulieMcCarty

18 years 6 months ago

Thanks Wolfy

I tried it like that before I posted but wasnt sure. I think It does sound better with reason. I will change it now. Thanks for the help, that is why I love this site. :)
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 6 months ago

I applaud your use of Why I love you

Perhaps avoiding the caps will flow better, "you(have)completely given yourself to me leaving an optimistic belief in dreams united together by our souls" Don't take the engine out only check the oil and plugs. In ink, No Box
J

JulieMcCarty

18 years 6 months ago

Thanks Box

I will take off the caps :) This is just the help I need, it is appreciated.
D

Darknlovely3436

16 years 2 months ago

re

I just came across your profile and i can relate to your work I feel the passion i sense the frustration Julie your work is great.