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I
IKnowNoBox
Oct 10, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

someday...(senuryu)

maybe  please come

I am waiting patiently

will  you be soon?

— IKnowNoBox, Oct 10, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: East Coast, USA

Favorite Poets: Weird Elf, Shel Silverstein, The Poet Anonymous

More from this author

Critiques

RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 8 months ago

Haiku/Senryu

I really like the theme of this one; it says so much in just a few words. The only thing I might humbly suggest is that it is actually a Senryu, as Haiku generally deal with nature. (Something I just learned over the past year myself.)
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

Thank you

Reacher a senyru was in it all along.Can't get anything past you. This is why I so dig Neo. Anytime you have crit' let me have it,make no apologies (my spelling sucks,and my rhyme stutters,but I do like the Haiku/senyru and today I'm thinking Tanka) your insight is taken to heart,and applied. As is all the poets on here our growing site. In ink, Dabbler
ID

Ink Dragon

18 years 8 months ago

afraid to say

I am not completely satisfied with this one, I think it´s still a little rough...Would you consider changing the first line, the times of your verbs clash uncomfortably in my teacher´s eye...The last two lines: Don`t change a thing, please! Regards, ID
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

Never be afraid to speak

dissatisfaction,that is how the masses are silenced. When we stop sharing insight we are doomed to what we don't like,with nothing to say. Thank you should I scrape maybe I was going for personification,Maybe I should wait and see what comes to me. Thanks ID In red ink, Dabbler
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

You really work this form well

to me one of the highest aspirations of poetry is compression of meaning, ruthless elimination of the inessential. And you do it so well. May I humbly suggest you give it a real title? cheers, Jess