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I
IKnowNoBox
Oct 10, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Untitled People

      a subdermal  society

      of  spent citizens

      now content with

     hand-out memories

   with grievances  aplenty

   stare through invisibility

     Never-meant-to-bes

       left incomplete...

— IKnowNoBox, Oct 10, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: East Coast, USA

Favorite Poets: Weird Elf, Shel Silverstein, The Poet Anonymous

More from this author

Critiques

RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 8 months ago

Seems like a start...

The idealogy behind this piece is intelligent and well thought out. As I read, it seemed more like the beginning of a rough draft for a poem; but now I read it again and think that the very fact that the poem itself seems incomplete may compliment the last line you wrote!
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

By adding a Word (People)

People can change this poem or make it complete.Giving up, for some is an option.To others it is not. Those left in the wake of the masses,are my people. ...(Sniff)... If this poem left you wanting more it worked its purpose. Thank you Reacher. In ink, David
ID

Ink Dragon

18 years 8 months ago

I disagree

To me, the first two lines are not the ideal opener, because they don´t have a consistent sentence structure, while the other lines do...Sorry to be such a pain in the a*** today...ID
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

Just Got a sock tossed at me...

With a told-you-so behind it.The one (probly the last time) my former room mate had a correction correct. Back to the Yellow post-it wall with this poem. Is the theme solid?
G

Grazzii2

18 years 8 months ago

Untitled People

Aside from the typo … all poets fear their work may be undermined with and from … the misspelling of invisibility does not take away too much punch from this well done poem
C

Calliope

18 years 8 months ago

Just a thought

Although poignant,it does seem incomplete;although considering the last line I think it was meant to.Really makes you think.And I tend to to like short and sweet.
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 8 months ago

Much improved

I'm liking this new-and-improved version even more than the original. You've tightened it up and made it more concise without losing the sense of what-could-have-beens.
ID

Ink Dragon

18 years 8 months ago

5 points

from me to this one! Even though I suggested the change in the first 2 lines myself, I am impressed by how much the flow is improved now! You were true to your style in spite of the changes, and it has lost nothing of its atmosphere! Well done!
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

Thank you all for the comments

I have been Hobo,Squatter,Tramp,and Hitchhiker.the very reason this poem is so valuable for me is that each line came from conversation around a barrel fire,in abandoned houses,stair wells ,and under a bridge.One thing I can say is there are people ("down and out people") that degrade themselves worse then anybody else could. On the flip side of the coin people who have it "together"....Well that is a poem for another time. Stay tuned you Neopoets one and all.I sure will. In ink, IKnowNoBox ps.I am where I am,because I can be here.
F

follettvogue

18 years 8 months ago

poem

paula buckenham to me it evokes images of life thats incomplete, nameless people useless but not of their own doing, maybe i have an over active imagination, i could stretch this poem . follettvogue .
F

follettvogue

18 years 7 months ago

untitled people

paula buckenham further to my last comments on this poem, to me this poem puts me in mind of those who are now sitting in chairs in an old peoples home or at home silenced and left to vegitate. they once had a mind and complained and now they are just a number in a list in a medical file waiting for the end to arrive, their lives of no use and silenced by age.