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I
IKnowNoBox
Oct 08, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

sunryu

Chainsaw two stroke

woke up cutting autumn wood

warm season fire

— IKnowNoBox, Oct 08, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: East Coast, USA

Favorite Poets: Weird Elf, Shel Silverstein, The Poet Anonymous

More from this author

Critiques

F

follettvogue

18 years 8 months ago

poem

paula buckenham vivid and catchy, should be more to read but it was enough to catch my imagination. love paula .
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

tend to agree with follett

this is a chainsawed haiku! Is that the joke? 4-7-4 Something stronger or more evocative than "rite of passage" would improve it. cheers, Jess
I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

Thank you both it does feel cut-off from what I was ...

going for ,too much sentamint in the line rite of passage (not to go too macho,that was a bonding experiance with my Uncle)I will go with a more relative ending ,Once I get the Two Stroke Ripper out. Work in progress-Hard Hat Area- No Box
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years 8 months ago

Senryu/Haiku

Now this one is actually a Haiku because it deals with nature by implying the change of seasons. Your structure is great, but I'd work on a few words here or there, e.g. if you really woke up with a chainsaw in your hands cutting wood it might be a little scary. Have I mentioned that my sense of humor might be slightly strange at times? I have also been accused of being too literal, if you can imagine!
wolfycat

wolfycat

18 years 8 months ago

Reminds me of fall!

Ah!! The crisp clean smell of fall air...rushing headlong into winter. I can hear the fire crackling. I liked it. Wolfy.