Summer Night

Congratulations on your desire to expand your attitudes of writing. I think it is a sort of opposite for me as I have a difficult time writing the darker verse. I can write dark as hell lmao but in verse it is not so easy for me. I guess I am saying I hope you keep it if you intend not to and as you will certainly write as you desire :-) On this poem I wonder if you really want to make the transition between the third and fourt stanza as a statement like it is? Happiness is a sickness that can be caught hmm I am thinking dark here maybe the word sickness. I think you mean Laughter there - second line from bottom. Joy and Peace, Mark

i dont know i kind of like that positive negative way of looking at that line i enjoyed reading it that way myself put a flip on it anyway its nice reading positive works every so often to balance up all the angst and anger hurt and pain (not that theres anything wrong with that..) anyway i enjoyed your poem very much ..O..

You can really tell the program has an effect on how you view the world now!! ITS CRAZY!! I love your poem! Happiness is a sickness that can be caught if your around it long enough!!:)

and if this poem went away the analagy Gratitude like a bull dozer will stay with me! in Ink, Dabbler

you asked me to tear this apart. But I can't, it touched me. There may be some cliches and over-wordiness that could be looked at and there are some prosodic considerations that would be better addressed by quillsvein1, he is far better educated than me in poetry, message him. I invite you to tear apart my poem "Infinity" I am very unhappy with it but don't know how to address it, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. cheers, Jess

the technical problems in this poem are largely, in my opinion, a matter of line breaks and ambiguity of meaning--for instance: "Dark night sky/Speckled with dotted lights/Traveling an unimaginable distance/Just to find my eye". these four opening lines introduce the reader to the vivisection of soul you embark on in the poem, but the way you form them is dense, which is to say, a little cryptic. not too much, but you are asking me to really dissect this. "they travel" would be more indicative to the reader of what you're talking about. the last two lines in the second stanza are gorgeous and here the issue of line breaks comes up: they are simply too long. you want to get a rhythm going, not just direct communication--and you do communicate wonderfully. a poem like this should be like a spell of sorts, an emotion grafted into words, and first person narrative does not always work. with some stitching of the lines i think you have a beautiful piece here.

Well my dear friend you have nothing to be ashamed of...this is really really good...I, myself like it...it`s not that positive as you might think...it has that blur between positivity and negativity...and you should get an award or something for that last verse... " in the end, we will only just remember how it feels..."