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T
Tuttey
Sep 12, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Loves Demise

 

This ship sinks and still onto it I hold.
Sailing on to unseen harbors remains inferior.

  Knowingly I maintain my love grip. Holding my breath love squeezes my heart.   Set love free and waters could part for another.
Crushing the pain I swallow loves opportunities.   Clinging fast for that elusion which I cherish.
Even now I linger sinking on loves demise.

 

— Tuttey, Sep 12, 2007

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Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

C

Conect11

18 years 9 months ago

I like

that you steered clear of going overly trite. Some many "I lost a love" poems are drivel to the extreme. You could have definately gone that route, but thankfully you give this an adult voice, which is appreciated. There are a couple of things that may be misspellings, typos, or intentional. An example of this is "elusion." Did you mean that or "illusion" which I suspect. I do think you have a good, serious write here with a bit of grammar and spelling tweaking. Mark W.
C

Conect11

18 years 9 months ago

cool!

do tell what it is so that I may learn a new word today the lazy way! (not going to dictionary.com) :) Mark W.