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JB
Feebie
Sep 10, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Future that will never come to pass

 

Future that will never come to pass

 

 

Sitting alone, my mind wonders back to you

And what we used to do

Distant memories of the past

Something not meant to last

 

The things that we shared

At the time I thought you cared

About me, about us

For it seemed nothing but a fuss

 

To have something to maintain

Something that now causes so much pain

Something that was so fragile

Something that lasted for only a while

 

Something that produced a future

Something that I thought came once in a life time

Little did I know, that still to some would not feature

In what was meant to be happy, meant to be mine

 

But you have gone, leaving in your  wake

A broken heart and damaged soul

A constant reminding ache

Of what should have been my forever

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

— Feebie, Sep 10, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Gauteng, ZMB

Favorite Poets: Sylvia Plath, Robert Frost

More from this author

Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 9 months ago

I feel your pain, and know it

a small tech point, I really think this poem would work better aligned left. Centred verse only really works with very short lines, cheers, Jess
B

barbsdad2003

18 years 9 months ago

A Little Tweaking, a Little Editing, a Corrected Typo

... all would help here. Examples: 1) mind wonders in this context ought to read mind wanders. 2) lifetime is one word. 3) take the comma away after know. 4) you wake should read your wake. 5) take the comma away after heart. Please note these are suggestions only. And I place them here in part to indicate that little changes can make big differences in whether a piece reaches near or at professional quality. I acknowledge also that any---and I do mean any!---writing can be improved upon. No matter the author. And as to the questions in bold print at the end of this piece, I have no hesitation in answering all three: yes. Regards, Chuck PS: I love your heart. A line which I know can be taken to have many meanings. But that's OK.
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 9 months ago

Glad to see the left alignment

works better for me but does it for you? That is most important. A strange vagrant thought just entered my head. You have heard about left brain being supposedly the logical side and right brain being the intuitive, creative side, and how that is reversed in our bodies? (left-handed people are statistically more likely to be artists and criminals) Maybe left alignment is the more creative view? I wonder about my head sometimes, it does non-commercial pop-ups all the time. 8) cheers, Jess
JB

Jillian Botha

18 years 8 months ago

Hi Jess

Hi Jess Just a really silly question from my side from you previous comment.... "(left-handed people are statistically more likely to be artists and criminals)" What if the person in question is ambidextrous? Just a silly little idle thought i tend to get them every now and then ..... Kind regards Feebie Mistakes happen, do not dwell on them, live them, mourn them and move on to better things. (PS: if that does not work eat lots and lots of chocolate)
JB

Jillian Botha

18 years 8 months ago

I am ambidextrous Jess.....

I am ambidextrous, a trait i apparently inherited from my grandad, use both left and right hands for most things i do including writing...... Kind regards Jill Mistakes happen, do not dwell on them, live them, mourn them and move on to better things. (PS: if that does not work eat lots and lots of chocolate)