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JB

For you, my daughter......

 

 

For you, my daughter......

 

Her first smile in the morning

strikes me in the gut without warning

her bright blue eyes seem to stare directly into me

right down to the very core of my soul

 

to see her happy is my constant mission

to help her long desired dreams realize fruition

this is what will make me feel content

knowing this for me is my gift wrapped present

 

her constant trickle of laughter that echoes

through the halls of time

her musical giggles ring so innocent, so true

a balm to my soul, especially when its brought on by what i do

 

she is my gift, one that i will surely treasure

one that knows no value or measure

one that will exist in my heart for all eternity

for as long as i have air in my lungs and life in my body

 

she is, you see my daughter, my baby

and for me there is no perhaps, later or maybe

she will always come first in my life

 

 

 

 

 

 

— Feebie, Sep 10, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Gauteng, ZMB

Favorite Poets: Sylvia Plath, Robert Frost

More from this author

Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 9 months ago

Again I think left aligned would work better

Your rhyming scheme, while not too intrusive or forced might benefit from breaking up the couplets. You know what I mean? Instead of couplets, let the rhyme occur a few lines later. Just a thought. cheers, Jess
J

JulieMcCarty

18 years 8 months ago

Hello Feebie

I will give you my advice if that is ok. I being a mother know what you are trying to convey in this poem :) I think it is very pretty but I to feel like you need to either change some things around or take out a few words. I would say Her first smile I see in the morning strikes me to my soul Without a warning her bright blue eyes seem to stare directly into me piercing me to my core I hope this helps :) I just dont want to overstep my boundries. :) Julie
J

JulieMcCarty

18 years 8 months ago

and

how about this for the ending? She will always come first in my life For me there is no perhaps, later or maybe For she, after all is my daughter Who will always be my baby What do you think? Julie
JB

Jillian Botha

18 years 8 months ago

i will take it home this weekend...

Hi Julie Thanks for the feedback, i will relook at this one carefully and make a few changes here an there. Mistakes happen, do not dwell on them, live them, mourn them and move on to better things. (PS: if that does not work eat lots and lots of chocolate)
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

A lot of us

have a strong resistance to changing our work once written. I do. I know my poetry could be better. But then who am I writing for, me, neopoets or the world? It's worth considering. cheers, Jess