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Light breaks

Two brothers shared a tenement in a city unnamed by a Transitional Mayor.  Abandoned and destitute, the buildings had grown varicose from tired lightning.  Depriving both of use for heat and air, grains of light fell in rings down the rafters, usually after a truck filled with asbestos stopped by.  Learning at different times to negotiate with shadows, stressing their limbs into suitable reclining quarters for the other, toes and fingers linked with such regularity that each felt to be the whistle of another’s bone.  In time lasting a decade’s month, a millenia’s day, one sought after the grained deliveries which became more seldom.  He grew pale, swallowing white pulses of pimpled hope, waiting always in pitch black with mouth agape.  The other, to gain his attention, spilled into contortions of every sort, soft places of landing in sweaty puddles.  "You’re growing sick," he said, watching him climb in sooty metal.  "I know", he called down.   "But this is our light".

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I

IKnowNoBox

18 years 8 months ago

I am a Squatter.

Such places are real to me,you are just short of taking me to this place.I look forward to a finer example of your writing. thank you, Dabbler
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

You know I am weak at reading prose poems

Even though several of mine are, and always lack the prosodic qualities of yours, I think you are one of the best poets on this site. You stretch yourself, work most carefully at your language and structure and yet avoid being contrived. Saying that, well maybe not the best alone, some have more passionately brutal honesty that I love, like Random Thoughts work. I have often critted you for lack of passion or rawness. but still. This is a a piece that truly touched me in it's awful intimacy of the not quite lost. cheers, Jess
Q

Quillsvein1

18 years 8 months ago

"lack of passion"

is too often confused with "too much craftsmanship", in my humble opinion. i aim to write poetry, not prose about my personal life with exclamation marks--all the same, i tend to agree with you about Random Thoughts and her prose poems. they are more obvious, more accessible, and therefore more appealing than my prose poems. it doesn't discourage me, it's just another obstacle to be overcome. best, john