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Frost Smith
Frost Smith
Aug 29, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

How would I like to die

 

Drop of water plunging over the edge to my death below,

But I want to wash over you before I die,

Splashing down on the crest of your head

Finding my way through your brilliant follicle forest of darkness  

Emerging to run down your cheek,

Tracing the path of those tears you used to cry,

The tracks of your tears are dry river beds,

I never want to see overflowing their banks again,

Down your neck rippling with undulating flows from your pulsating jugular

Flowing between your breast

Over your heart

Eroding the scars and bars

Waves rushing down your sleek body

Snaking down over your hips

Meshing with your moistness

Dripping from your lips

Catching the home stretch down your thigh

Slipping off at the bottom only to find it’s dry

 

— Frost Smith, Aug 29, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

A

anonymitylll

18 years 9 months ago

very nice… u better get to

very nice... u better get to an enlightened state of annihiliation so u can experience this ecstasy!
Q

Quillsvein1

18 years 9 months ago

excellent

poem and powerful, no two ways about it. if you're a beginner at writing poetry this reflects a promising future if you continue writing. the longing for death coupled with the longing to also witness and watch our ending, the division between the part of ourselves desiring ultimate rest and the part which is usually more powerful, the one that clings to life at all costs, are all depicted here powerfully with your metaphor of a waterfall. great job, and please keep writing and posting.
P

purplemoondoll

18 years 9 months ago

Wow

Very very well written - love the sensual imagery and you 'took me there'. Awesome... Kaz
C

Conect11

18 years 9 months ago

the erotic

can be a tricky slope to conquer in poetry. Some is just trite bullsh*t, and some is plain ponography. Rare is the poet who can pull it off tastefully and still get their message across. You come extremely close with some good imagery, and nice allusion, but something was just missing here for me. Still good, but that missingness brings it just a touch down. Mark
SS

Sirens Serenade

18 years 3 months ago

One final plunge

As you say, you know it is a plunge to death but taking in the most amazing experiences along the way...it could be an analogy of life..from the moment we are born we are plunging towards death...do we try and fill that in between with the most wonderous experiences and images we can along the way before the inevitable....or do we just trundle along the tired worn path to oblivion? A great read my friend, stirred many emotions in me and makes me want to go out and grasp life before I drawn my final breath. Just one tiny thing on a personal note, I'm not sure I like the word "moistness" in the context you are trying to get across....I would have gone for "Meshing with your estuary" (if it doesn't screw up the rhythm too much) which, for me, ties in a bit better with the whole flow of the water..but as I said that's just a personal choice. Overall I love it!
A

Amaranthine

18 years 1 month ago

Ending

Very sensual poem. To say you would like to die after exploring her from head to toe was beautiful - you want your last moments to be filled with learning her- becoming a part of her. The last line probably has some huge meaning, but I'm missing it. Slipping off the bottom - bottom of what? her bottom? the bottom of her feet that are at the ends of her legs - you were last rolling down her thighs, so, I'm not sure where you are headed there - you mentioned moistened lips - so, I'm guessing you aren't speaking of her arousal - not being wet... not being aroused by your presence. I am confused by your ending - what did you mean? Respectfully Yours, Amara
Frost Smith

Frost Smith

18 years 1 month ago

Amaranthine ...

Good questions: slipping off the bottom of her thigh; only to find its dry was meant to convey the evaporation or death could not think how to intergrate the calves & feet the moistness was from arousal saldy it wasn't written for anyone I was with, rather a friend; she is beatiful, sweet, and deffinately someone I could see myself with but as in alot of tradgeies she is with an asshole who abuses her & treats her like shit; having watched her for sometime before I wrote this (last year) I wanted to take away the hurt, water is cleansing & healing I thought it would make a good metaphor. It is also about passion & intamacy; can have the healing effect. Unselfishness & mytarerdom, I die to take away the hurt so that she maybe be happy. Hope this explains Frost
D

DarkinAZ

18 years 1 month ago

Hey Frost,

I liked it.I Long for the day I can feel that way again, However right now, I would settle for a pen as descriptive as yours. Your friend, Mark
Frost Smith

Frost Smith

18 years 1 month ago

DarkinAZ ...

Thank you very much; always nice to hear compliments, but this is just the second draft, not finished yet Frost
J

Jinxed

17 years 5 months ago

i really liked the choice of

i really liked the choice of the words you used in this poem, it created good imagery and flowed well. a good poem, well done.
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 10 months ago

I'm sure you've got some new poems

wandering in you beautifully honest head. Lay them on us. Cheers, Jess "The political arena leaves one no alternative, one must either be a dunce or a rogue." Emma Goldman
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 10 months ago

this poem.

Don't get caught. Cheers, Jess "The political arena leaves one no alternative, one must either be a dunce or a rogue." Emma Goldman