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weirdelf
weirdelf
Aug 29, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Shamans eclipse.

 

Under the red moon,

above the earth

among fire and sparks

a mirthful rebirth.

 

 

— weirdelf, Aug 29, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

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Critiques

W

waterdragon

18 years 9 months ago

Pragmatic Spirituality

I LOVE the conjoinment of these 2 words! I LOVE it! If anyone is interested -- I interviewed a Shaman out here in Los Lunas, and wrote an article about him -- fascinating person, fascinating story. Here's the link.... http://www.steppinoutnewmexico.com/modules.php?name=News&file=showarticle&threadid=2189 and a teaser: "For a man who was born dead in 1953 and died again in 1999, Jeffrey Pierce, who has his Ph.D. in Psychic Sciences, Metaphysics and Shamanism, seems very much alive and glowing with vitality. For one who is almost entirely blind, his vision is extraordinarily clear and accurate." Reverend Bec Hudson Shine Your Light It's the ONLY Way to Get Rid of the Darkness!
B

barbsdad2003

18 years 9 months ago

I Really, Really Like This, Jess

If I were the writer, though, I would insert the article a before mirthful. And, of course, I would spell mirthful with just the one ell. And I don't think the commas here are necessary, so would leave them out. Other than all that, the sun did come up this morning, and I treated the begging squirrel at the back doorstep. Thanx, Chuckles
Q

Quillsvein1

18 years 9 months ago

this

is a bit of a departure from your other work, albeit a creative one. like chuck said, the mirthful thing, otherwise i see this as welcome experimentation. neat poem.
O

orgami

18 years 9 months ago

mirthfull

i like it the way it is i mean i wouldnt change anything in this poem thats my choice though sweet and short maybe i would have dropped "with" and kept then an "a" on mirthful but still i like it the way it is ..O..
P

purplemoondoll

18 years 9 months ago

How ever it's spelt

This made me smile! Nice work. Should be Mirthful though :-) Kaz
C

Conect11

18 years 9 months ago

there is

an excellent Gaelic - language band out of Cambridge, Mass called "The Moors" that I think you might seriously dig. As for this poem, I do need to digest it for a bit. I like short and sweet, and not against rhyming, it just seems to me that herre your ending rhyme is a tad trite. But perhaps that is due to my not being in "a poetic mind" as of late. Mark
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 9 months ago

thanks all for kind and thoughtful feeback

Comma not gone, wanted to counterpoint ever present mother earth with the momentous, scary and deeply significant goings on above. Double ll is gone. Respect your comment about rhyme, Mark, the rhymes work for me as a play on words , so won't change it. Check out the free online dictionaries. Mirrian Webster is good (although Chuck and I still disagree about the definition of "billabong" 8) I say this because you might find some interesting terms like internal rhyme, metre, alliteration and onomatopoeia. I value all your comments and won't try to justificate myself with a list of achievements or becoming pompous or defensive. I am toying with the idea of making this a rhyming haiku. cheers, Jess
W

waterdragon

18 years 9 months ago

Chim-Chimeny-Chim-Chimeny-Chim-Chim-

Che-reep, a cricket's real beauty is more than skin deep... Chim-Chimeny-Chim-Chimeny-Chim-Chim-Che-roop, I've got to wipe off that green cricket goop! Ooopsss! ;) (What WAS that movie Dick Van Dyke was in as a chimney sweep??) Reverend Bec Hudson Shine Your Light It's the ONLY Way to Get Rid of the Darkness!
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 9 months ago

Mary Poppins

Julie Andrews played Mary Poppins. And thanks for nothing Rebecca, now I've got that tune running through my head! I curse you back with "My Favourite things" (Julie Andrews again from "The Sound of Music") although I must admit (does this mean I am a closet gay? that would be a nasty surprise at age 50, nothing against gays, just a self-awareness thing)) that the song from that movie "What to do with the problem of Maria" is just gorgeous. How do you keep a wave upon the sand? how do you hold a rainbow in your hand? cheers, Jess
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Oh, you did NOT just put all

Oh, you did NOT just put all these songs in my head at 2:06 a.m.! I should beat you with a stick. Or sing "Do Re Me Fa So La Ti Do" at the top of my lungs. Best, Ronda
JB

Jillian Botha

18 years 9 months ago

I liked this one it's different......

Hi Jess I liked this it is very different to me personally from what you have written previously, but good different not bad different. thank you. Kind regards Feebie Mistakes happen, do not dwell on them, live them, mourn them and move on to better things. (PS: if that does not work eat lots and lots of chocolate)