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JB

Your brutal indiscretion

 

Your brutal indiscretion

 

Words of love left unsaid

Words that should have been spoken

Were left out in the cold void instead

Causing a heart to be so carelessly broken

 

Changes constantly were made

In both personality and actions

Leaving her feeling so afraid

That she would never meet your satisfactions

 

She never really succeeded did she?

Your brutality was proof of this

No matter how subtle she tried to be

You were always so quick to dismiss

 

All her efforts, all her love

All this done in vain

Eventually all this brought her

Was a constant heart wrenching pain

 

This pain felt emotionally

To the core of her very being

This pain felt physically

After each blow from you once loving hands

 

The first blow left her reeling

The second left her bruised

The third left her broken

The final found her pleading

 

A plea which you ignored

A plea that fell on deaf ears

One that for her still echoes

And will do so for many years

 

You nearly succeeded in breaking her will

You nearly won dominion over her body

But you never gained guardianship

Over her spirit or her soul

 

Do you think back on those times?

Do you even recall, the damage you inflicted

Your present actions display that in fact you do not at all

 

The day will come, your moment will arrive

When you will cling to all you hold dear

Just to keep your spirit alive

And when this moment comes to light

 

When her past becomes your present

Ask yourself one question

Will you have the her strength and dignity,

Will you possess the iron will to fight and survive?

 

 

 

— Feebie, Aug 27, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Gauteng, ZMB

Favorite Poets: Sylvia Plath, Robert Frost

More from this author

Critiques

P

purplemoondoll

18 years 9 months ago

Like this

If you are leaving the site - I will be sorry to see you go and wish you luck. I enjoyed this poem - well written especially the last verse. When her past becomes your present Ask yourself one question Will you have the her strength and dignity, Will you possess the iron will to fight and survive? I wonder how many people would even think to ask this question in such a situation? Nice work
P

purplemoondoll

18 years 9 months ago

Sorry Feebie

I just realised what I posted here...teach me to check the name first so late at night - the comments about leaving were for random thoughts the preceding poem.... Brain mush...sorry..the review is the same for this piece though... Kaz x
C

Conect11

18 years 9 months ago

there

is power in this poem, but it's buried under a mountain of triteness. There is feeling and emotion here, but it requires peeling back the hallmark rhyming pattern. I almost feel like you're restraining yourself by using the rhyme scheme, like this poem could sore if you'd let yourself "hang loose" so to speak. Mark
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

For once I disagree with Mark

on something we normally agree on, forced rhyming and rhythm. I feel it worked for you here. Your poem said brutally and clearly what need to be said. I especially like how it turns it back on the perpetrator at the end. My only other comment is that I think it would be best aligned left. I repeat this comment often but centred poetry only works with very short lines, oh, and I don't like the title. Violence is not ever an indiscretion. cheers, Jess
JB

Jillian Botha

18 years 8 months ago

Indiscrection.......play on words i guess

Hi Jess Thank you for your feedback, as far as aligning my poems to the left is concerned, i have been centering them since i started writing, but maybe you have a point there....left might just work better, i am such a creature of habit though LOL The title was my personal little dig at the perpetrator i guess you could say, it was so that this person would realize that I knew that they made of light of what they did, and still do to this day... Does this make any sense?? What would you title this piece Jess just out of curiosity? kind regards Feebie Mistakes happen, do not dwell on them, live them, mourn them and move on to better things. (PS: if that does not work eat lots and lots of chocolate)
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

thanks for listening

now you explain the title it makes sense, just the sort of excuse perpetrators use, I wouldn't change it. As to formatting LAP cheers, Jess
J

JulieMcCarty

18 years 8 months ago

I really felt this

Feebie, being in an abusive relationship in the past and having a daughter with that person I find myself asking those questions. It is hard for me not to wonder if he ever really is sorry. He never said he was. He would just talk to me like nothing ever happend when he picked up his daughter. Now he is in prison I wonder if he is feeling what I felt all those years ago. I love this! you have written parts of my life. Wiping a tear from my cheek, Julie