lying willow

your head nodded
so willfully in the well sheathed
pillow of night
snug with funny odors
the ones you remember so you
must be home
flicking candy cane cigarettes
till DNA codes of
pursed lipstick send your
secrets all over
the eager grates
raining sidewalks
in giggling orange embers
and didn’t it feel so safe

About This Poem

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Comments

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

o

cheers, Jess

Quillsvein1

18 years 8 months ago

is

this that "bloody critical feedback" we were talking about? best, john

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

LOL

not quite, that's more kinda speechless O, gotta get back to you on this one. cheers, Jess

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

no it doesn't feel safe

I don't feel I can comment on your writing or style, both are exquisite. Can only suggest you read Fante's "Ask the the Dust" I would never suggest you become an alcoholic or junkie, but if you don't, don't write about them or what you don't know. You are making your poetry fiction. Fiction is ok, look at bellavistabear, new on this site, he writes fictional, entertaining poetry. But then again he is a fiction. i think you are something more real. cheers, Jess

Quillsvein1

18 years 8 months ago

not

going

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

eek, I was really off that night eh,

when my head is not in the readings I should pull it in. Sorry to Brian too, didn't mean you are a fiction, meant it more like larger than life. cheers, Jess

weirdelf

18 years 8 months ago

Tonight I am responding very subjectively

I know this, I have felt this. Smelled it. Felt it. We are different ages, cultures and background, but i feel I have been here, the seductiveness of sensuality, the destructiveness of the mistakes it makes. I have misunderstood your poetry in the past because of my assumptions about who you are, which were wrong. Fuck me dead, I fuck up so often I often I feel I should be stripped of the Advocates badge. But this one i get and feel. cheers, Jess

Quillsvein1

18 years 8 months ago

no

need to apologize for your original response. unfortunately the human mind is fallible enough to have kneejerk reactions to things (particularly works of art of any kind) in times of frustration or whatever the case is. it's entirely legitimate--but thank you for returning to this so-so work of mine! much appreciated. best

RSScheerer

18 years 2 months ago

sitting here

and trying to think of something to say about this piece ... but what do you say about something that imprints such a strong image upon your mind that it haunts you even after you've left your desk to perform mundane household chores? (wow what a run-on sentence that was) I think that the banter between you and Jess is as fascinating as your work - is that a bad thing to say? ~ Ronda