Heartbroken, Heartbreaking

Acid, flowing rapidly
a Niagara down my cheeks
brushed away quickly.
The clock on the wall un-moving
reading four fifty- two
stopped there to keep the fall flowing
to keep me from forgetting
since forgeting would hurt more than the memories.
April 5, 2002, 4/5/02, 4:52
The clock stopped ticking, stopped ticking away,
the ticking stopped, it had to, it sounded so much like…

April 5, 2002, heartbroken, heartbreaking
but faithfully
I will wait for you.

By Renee Garrick

— bknybaby, Aug 15, 2007

Critiques

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

You absolutely had me!

Exciting passionate well written verse. till the last two lines, destroyed it. Made you a victim. Sorry. Jess

bknybaby

18 years 10 months ago

Thanks for your comment!

Thank you so much for your constructive criticism :) I would have loved to leave off the last two lines, but hey, it's the truth, that's what happened. Renee

Rottiestyl

18 years 10 months ago

Renee

This poem was written with great heart. I don't believe the last two lines made you a victim, it made you human. A woman afraid to lose because she may feel deep down that she can get no better. Sad fact in poetry and life. We sometimes do not believe we deserve better. Not true and not allowed!! This is a very good start in free verse, keep it going! K. Mulroney

bknybaby

18 years 10 months ago

Thank you

Thank you for your kind words. Fortunately, I can honestly say that I have found better since I detached myself from the individual about whom I wrote and writing this helped me realize how far I've come since then. Thank you for your comment : ) Renee

Rottiestyl

18 years 10 months ago

Good!

Glad to hear it.Poe was famous for dark poetry, even lost love stuff, those are my least fav. of his. Glad to see you kicked your heels in a new direction. NO MAN, is worth self mutilation of your own soul! . K. Mulroney

Lenny of Cohen

18 years 10 months ago

Ressurrected

my painful memories of a very painful ending, but I would rather have the scars of heartbreak than not to have been in love with her. Thanks Renee, for sharing, truth often hurts. Lenny

bknybaby

18 years 10 months ago

No, thank you

Thank you Lenny. That was the aspect of the poem that I really hoped would come through. Regardless of the pain it's definitely better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. You've truly made me feel like I've accomplished something with this piece. Thank you, Renee

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in