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Change

Change

By Alexander Duque

 

We couldn’t change the world into new,

But we could always close our eyes pretend.

Wars in this world will never end,

Young lives will be perished,

Then after will be cherished.

Proclaim you’re a healer,

You’re nothing but a sinner.

Liberty trying to seek,

End as fowl rotten meat.

Pride trying built,

Deeply nothing but guilt.

Soldiers of fortune,

I feel sorry for your misfortune.

A disgrace to humanities,

I feel the pain of your families.

Been hypnotize by the power,

No choice than to follow.

Ruled by a boar,

We work hard like a whore.

Slavery and discrimination still remains,

Forever will be captive in chains.

Hear the voice of the masses,

Hear words they protest.

A boar laughed,

Heard nothing but pest.

Brutality in the street,

Innocent heads in a concrete

Animosity against friend,

Never come to an end.

We couldn’t change the world’s catastrophes,

But we could change our own adversity.

 

— onisd23, Aug 14, 2007

Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

I salute you on two counts, Alexander

One, poetry is so personal to us it can be hard to take criticism, no matter how constructive, many react defensively or even with hostility and abuse. No-one minds if their criticism is not taken, we offer it only as a suggestion, we just ask that it be listened to in the spirit intended. Here you have acted on it. Two, for writing what was a good poem and is now a superb one, in my opinion. Profound and affecting. The last line is a knockout. It is not perfect, I voted 5 for your courage and improvement, but offer no further crit. Let others do that. Finally I think it is a pity you deleted the original, in future when I revise a poem whether based on other people's crit or my own, I will re-post it separately, so people can see the development, which is what this site is all about. cheers and respect, Jess

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