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Blue Heart

Family hearts glued to one
but one ripped apart
is no family at all
one that may never comeback
one the children
may never kiss again

-the one who’s busy risking life
the one America is proud of
one whose heart thumps louder
whenever looking at the impecable night sky
whose eyes fill up with tears of agony
whenever the childrens’laughter echoes in mind

-at home where they ache for the ones apperance
home, where they all belong
the smell of home they crave so much
looking at the glowing moon
wondering if home is looking too

 

— Nessachick, Aug 14, 2007

Critiques

Mark

Mark

18 years 10 months ago

Nessa this is really

a heartbreak of a poem. I think I have read it 4 times. I really hear you. I have a little problem with the arrangement of the last stanza - between the second and third line. I hope this is helpful and if you do work on it please send a message so I can come on back and read again, Thanks, Mark
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

no need for a message Mark,

if you have posted a comment you should get an email notifying you of any changes in this posting, unless you have un-subscribed that service, cheers, Jess
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

I can't comment or vote.

This poem brought up so much furious rage and pain in me I have to go away and collect myself until I can make a rational response. Perhaps that is a comment. cheers, Jess p.s. that affectiveness deserves a 5. Poetry is passion.

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