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randysmom2007
Aug 08, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

to the one i love

 can’t make you love me but you say that you do
the worse part of all is i don’t think that its true

you don’t look at me the same since we had our kid
i’ve noticed it now even though you say that you did

its nice that you lie but it hurts even more
i’m at the point where i want to walk out the door

i love you so much even though you don’t believe
your the one man i could never decieve

believe me when i say this i’m at the point of goodbye
and if i stay in the end i will cry

cause you our not here when i need you most
you come and go just like a ghost

i’ll wait for the day when you say goodbye
that will be the day when i have my last cry

— randysmom2007, Aug 08, 2007
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Critiques

H

HDGoodman

18 years 10 months ago

i really like the second half of this.

especially "you come and go like a ghost" i get very strong images, it's so true of fathers and husbands. i get the feeling that the clear sky can be seen from the middle of the storm. don't like to critique harshly especially on matters so personal but some of the images ae a bit cliche. having said that sometimes they are the best images for the job (and who am i to say what works for you). kind regards froma fellow poet, harry dryden.
P

Prototype

18 years 10 months ago

Hey

Lies always hurt more than everything. Hope the poem helped. Just one thing, didn’t you meant “cause you are not here” or “cause you were not here” instead of “cause you our not here”?
R

randysmom2007

18 years 10 months ago

thanks

yes i meant cause you are not here

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