On the way to work on the Manly ferry

a beautiful scene
but life is mean
rhyme’s obscene
it tends to demean
and trap the flutterbies on the page.
flutterbies in a cage?
quelle outrage!

I am reduced to exclamation marks.

— weirdelf, Aug 04, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

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Critiques

HDGoodman

18 years 10 months ago

HA!

reduced to exclamation marks. so true. yeah this is a case where the rhyming fucks up what you try to say but you turned it around. its a poem about how words suck sometimes and the words you've used don't capture the image but that's the point. genius! (i always feel cornball using exclamation marks) did you start writng this and then not find the words and turned it around or what? oi i'm organising a poetry night at a gallery on crown st. surry hills soon. it'll be a while yet but will you grace us/fuck us up with your literary licks? i'm gonna ask matt to read as well. i can't decide to whether to call it "words." or "word words words." any thoughts?

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

call it words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8) or wordsword or wordswords, which I like for the pun on words and swords Yes, the poem came about from not being able to write anything halfway decent about the dizzy joy and sense of freedom I get floating on Sydney Harbour. I'd be honoured to read on the night, thanks for asking. cheers, Jess

barbsdad2003

18 years 10 months ago

Flutterbies Indeed

How could you! How could you so misspell that word! But one suggestion: The piece works quite well. If I were penning it, I'd separate the last line into its own stanza. It's the only nonrhymer of the eight, and it does a good job of wrapping the piece up for Federal Express to ... ? Thanx, Chuck

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

I am shocked.

You would insist on a correct spelling of a nonse word. Not so shocked. You have betrayed a pedantic streak before. I still reckon billabong is a place of water, would rather bow to Aboriginals than scientists and dictionaries on that one. Flutterbies is my affectionate, descriptive word for butterflies. And if it has been used before, duly, academicly noted and annotated, screw them, it came to my mind independently. Completely agree about the last line. Will edit. cheers, Jess

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

oh dear! you were joking, weren't you.

silly me, sorry about the rant, but meant it, actually. cheers, Jess

RSScheerer

18 years ago

flutterbies

Have you ever seen butter fly? I have always called them flutterbies. In my silly little mind, it makes perfect sense. Rhyme. *sigh* ~ Ronda