If he...

If he hadn’t
what would I have been
If he hadn’t
what sort of man would I be
If he hadn’t
what would I have gained or lost
Would I be the man I am today - or not.

Without the beatings
the creak of the stairs
the knowing that… the fear,
the fists, the pain, the hate
would soon be near
would I still be so clear
that I don’t want another child to ever be there.

Without his words of hate
that tore into my mind so young
would I have ever learnt the strength that can be given through words
as words had beaten and taken mine.

I will never know what I would have been
If I hadn’t seen my mother bleed
If I hadn’t heard my sisters screams
never fell asleep exhausted shaking with fear.

But whatever I could have been
all I know is that what happened should have not been
and despite his words that told me I would not be
I love the man that is me.