You'll Never Know

I could love you if you were real Embrace the moment, truly feel Loves true worth - but sadly no Your plastic smile has got to go Hindsight haunts your waking hours Regret will linger, turn you sour Fortune missed the ferry home You’ll pay the price and live alone My life moves on, I taste the kiss Of lust, desire and waking bliss You’ll never know how much I cared. But now it’s gone – our story’s snared

— purplemoondoll, Aug 01, 2007

Critiques

wellbelove

18 years 10 months ago

Relate

Could relate so much to what you have written. Enjoyed the simplicity of style which drove every line. Particularly liked the ending and hoped I have never been the person at the start. Cheers for a great write

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

yeah, I like this

and unlike wellbelove I truly have been the plastic smile, and regret it deeply. It is simple and clear, my only slight reservation is that I feel the rhyme is a tad forced, especially the last line. But you know that's my own peccadillo, cheers, Jess

purplemoondoll

18 years 10 months ago

Thank you

Thank you both for your comments. Thanks for an honest critque too - the last lines I agree Jess could maybe use some work - still thinking about that. I like them a lot but - maybe one to think about and possibly edit!

HDGoodman

18 years 10 months ago

lines 5, 6 & 7.

your hindsight or theirs? this reminds me of how things that appeal to the senses destract me from my real work of finding out who the hell i am. the rhyming needs a little work but you've definitly got something by using it. one say i'll rhyme if i bother to get off my arse and be a hard-working poet (is that an oxy-moron?)

purplemoondoll

18 years 10 months ago

Oxymoron?

Heh heh possibly. The hindsight is definitely theirs! I'm over it lol that's why i wrote this poem! thanks for your comments - taken on board and very much appreciated! Kaz x

ladywriter

18 years 10 months ago

kazx

Seems as if you held onto your sanity while you watched the person hang themself. That happens when we are strong and can write out our feelings. Poets are strong because their words back them up. Writing the words can allow us to walk away and not look back. Very Very Kaz

purplemoondoll

18 years 10 months ago

Ladywriter

You hit the nail right on the head! Cheers - Kaz

poet_inside

18 years 10 months ago

Flowing

This was a nice read. I loved how the poem just flowed along at a soft pace, as if it were natural. Some people never know how much they were loved simply because they didn't open their eyes! Have a good one! Brittany Rae

SLoEDdie

18 years 10 months ago

think its great

great read as always, i thought the flow was on it, enjoyed it.

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.

Join free Log in