Better

Not sure I understand how a poem can be 'to deeply personal' - for me my favourite poetry is that which expresses deep inner feelings and the more honest and open that the poet is the more real it feels and the more I feel I have learnt about another person, rather than just their writing style. That is not to say there is anything wrong with people who work and experiment with words which also has it's place in the wonderful world of poetry. Here I tried to express a desparation for a friend who was extremely ill and who I feared would die, my desparation that I could not make him better. It maybe it needs more to convey that which I would have thought universal to anyone either who is close to losing or who has lost a loved one.