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weirdelf
weirdelf
Jul 31, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Where they have gone

 

friends               heroin protagonists     obnoxiousness amigos              laziness comrades          geographicals lovers                kids antagonists       breakup rivals                 old age associates         differences mates                indifference

they swirl around, near and further, blown by desires once shared and finally, alone.

 

 


— weirdelf, Jul 31, 2007

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

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Critiques

Q

Quillsvein1

18 years 10 months ago

everything

does end up alone in itself, pretty much. even heroin, i suppose. i fear i'm missing something in my reading of this poem. is this just you having fun with words and commenting on existence's essential isolation, or am i stupider than even i think am? in either case, it made me think!
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

you pretty much got it right on.

words on the left types of relationships, words on the right ways of losing them, at one point I had "mix'n'match" after the two lists, before the final verse. Think I should put it back? cheers, Jess
Q

Quillsvein1

18 years 10 months ago

i

actually don't think that would be a good idea--there's no reason a reader should not, if the poem is intriguing enough (which this is), take the time to figure out the form and message themselves.
P

poet_inside

18 years 10 months ago

I really like this one! I

I really like this one! I get it through and through in the end alone, through it all maybe you thought you weren't but in the end your alone. If I've got this right.. Brittany Rae
Rottiestyl

Rottiestyl

18 years 10 months ago

Quite different for you

It almost makes me want to draw connecting lines to the right opposite. Very interesting Jess. I need to digest it a little more. K. Mulroney
C

Conect11

18 years 9 months ago

damn!

if it weren't for you having "kids" in the right hand column you'd have perfectly kept people on the left and things / concepts on the write. This is a sexy little mood poem, despite your not intending it to be. You finish this surrealism off in elegant sadness that I would love to read while slightly buzzed. Mark
RSScheerer

RSScheerer

18 years ago

Where they have gone

They've swirled around and hidden in the crevices of our memories, the darker corners where we tried to block them out, lodge themselves in the soles of our feet....damned things that we cannot lose and damned things that we cannot keep. Either way we find ourselves alone to contemplate both. My best, Ronda
Barbara Writes

Barbara Writes

17 years 9 months ago

Very interesting

Smiles:) Barbara A rather different poetic style, after reading the comments, I reread and understood what you were portraying. Many circumstances causes the lost of friendships as I understand how friends were lost in your poem. really good writing
O

orgami

17 years 9 months ago

basin pool

loved this poem the style and content alone yes seperated and yet collected all at once
Rottiestyl

Rottiestyl

17 years 9 months ago

This property Is Protected

This property Is Protected By Rott and Weiler Nice to read you again. I get notices on your writing now and again. On this one? They are all right behind you, under the concrete. Nice stuff as usual.
Mark

Mark

17 years 9 months ago

mmm

this just aah rolls right
t. reflexion

t. reflexion

17 years 9 months ago

I need some lessons

I have read the poem and the comments. I like it and I must admit, this is new to me. I have also learnt one or two things. Does this style have a name? I need some lessons. Thanks and best wishes.
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 9 months ago

no this poem doesn't have a style name

I made it up between poetry and subset logic theory (mathematics/logic). My best suggestion, if you can get it, is "The poets Manual and Rhyming Dictionary" by Frances Stillman. Or something similar. I use it all the time to refer to metre, rhythm, alliteration and rhyming schemes. Not afraid to admit it, poery is too big for any one of us and I recommend it to anyone who asks. The big drawback is that it is heavily English based, while drawing on classical Greek and Roman forms and references to Scandinese and Japanese... not much Chinese and we haven't even covered a quarter of the world. Well, being linguisitcly challenge I can only really write and converse in in English. Sorrry for my ignorance. If you can't get a copy and want one PM me and I can get one and send it to you. Try www.amazon.com first. cheers, Jess
t. reflexion

t. reflexion

17 years 9 months ago

Jess

Thank you. I will do as suggested. Cheers!
B

barbsdad2003

17 years 9 months ago

You've breached here ...

a new high for me as reader of a write of yours. Sorry ... I feel helpless, powerless, quite compelled, in fact, to plaster my top vote upside your head on this one. Thanx, Chuck PS: A brilliant---exceptionally so!---write. Matches up well with the best poetry I've seen anywhere I've chosen to look.
R

rider68

17 years 9 months ago

Jess You questioned whether to change.........

Hi Jess, From the first comments, you question whether to change, Why, although it was replied in support of staying the way you have written it, But to have changed, would have taken away the magic to which makes this work, I am some-what surprised that you would even question/consider, as that would undersell yourself, I won't begin to lecture you on controversy, as you have some-what mastered this quite well, I can only add my support, although somewhat cleverly simplistic, yet deep and stirring, 10/10......... Best regards...Peter ~~~~~~~~~Creativity Is to think more efficiently~~~~~~~~~~
weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years 9 months ago

thanks Peter

that queston to change was before I did the revision, which was just a formatting revision, before it made the relationships left to right look more connected. The revision did help, didn't change a word. Thank you cheers, Jess