My lost self

I became a person that I no longer know
I live with a stranger in my head
I forget how it’s like to be happy
And I no longer recall what it is to be sad

I pass my days stuck in the yesterday that I seek
I’m an empty promise, forgotten as you speak
Some words never intended to be said

Just dream of the future, sometimes at night
But don’t work it today, disappointing everyone around
‘Cause my self is lost, and don’t want to be found

— Prototype, Jul 31, 2007

Critiques

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

I relate,

have spent whole periods of my life feeling like this. It flows well and your english is clearly excellent, I think I would only comment on your use of grammar if I felt it made your meaning unclear. There are several poets on this site for who english is a second language and often that only comes across as a vernacular or "accent", no less correct in a way than the differences between Scots, Irish and American english, Australian is bloody perfect of course ;) cheers, Jess

wellbelove

18 years 10 months ago

Should you write just for this site?

I do not think it is right that poets should change their style because there are several poets on this site for who english is a second language - this site is surely to give feedback as is with the localism adding something. Saying that I did adapt a poem for another site which is mainly a USA audience, changing 'An ashtray full of fags' to 'An ashtray full of cigarettes' as I thought otherwise some people may have some weird imagery of a group of gay men stood in an ashtray in their mind.

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

did you mean to make this a reply to my comment

instead of a comment on prototype's piece? Seems we are saying the same thing. I said I would not correct his english unless I felt the meaning was unclear. cheers, Jess

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