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Jul 27, 2007

Anti -Animals

They never planned to be;

just too unfortunate like winds

yet they exist.

We are like them;

different from their fraternity

but of thesame faculty.

We can’t bark but think.

Who’s loosing?

These are the Universals

with different priorities and answers;

claiming to be nice but could be cancers.

But the particulars are now mere fictional tales.

They are unlike these implike men brains.

The jungle and the vegetations makes their logo,

rovering million miles from their homes;

all cause of  man’s own.

These creatures with feelings have lost their feelings

and still wont stop hurting natures pride.

— ellisville, Jul 27, 2007

Critiques

C

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

you've got

some good lines here, ie., "But the particulars are now mere fictional tales." I think you might want to brush up on grammar and punctuation a touch in a couple of places here and there. In my opinion this needs just a little something to make it bind together. It's like you're building a house, and have a nice strong foundation and frame and now you just need to add the walls and guts to the place. Lots of potential and a couple of good things but I feel needs some fleshing out. Mark W.

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