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Waiting for Winter to pass...

The colored beams of early morn cast an illusion of spring,
as the villagers quietly wake to there warm fires
and cups of tea. Nestled comfortable in their homes
they patiently wait for winter to pass,
while they lazily watch the embers of the fireplace
rustle, crackle, and dance to the rhythm of the flame.

Outside an icy chill clings to frost bitten trees,
like paint on the canvass of a masterpiece.
As the riverbed by the old windmill sleeps in
glazed ice, the fish down below swim free
and unnoticed.

The kiss of winter still fresh upon the town,
leaving the old wind chimes over numerous doorsteps
swaying without a sound.
Children lay their heads against the glass,
for the snow is too cruel for play.
Their youth wanting, wishing, and praying,
for just one more bright sunny day.

— Alijandra, Jul 24, 2007

Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 11 months ago

An elegant portrait

You certainly have a powerful command of language. I kept re-reading it looking for the rhyme, metre or alliteration that made it flow so beautifully, to no avail, you have mostly hidden the structure. Somehow I found it, personally, lacking in emotional tags, I kept expecting it to take me further. That is not necessarily crit, it's my expectations raised by the quality of the verse. One crit "like paint on the canvass of a masterpiece." jars badly. It spoils the stylistic homogeny of the piece. cheers, Jess
P

Prototype

18 years 10 months ago

hi Alijandra

i love this poem. it's been a hell of tree hot summer days in my country, and yet for a moment there i was living a winter day. wow... i like the end of the poem, my inner kid totality relate to that last verse. the title is "ok". honestly i think your awesome poem could have a better title.

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