Quillsvein1

Jul 26, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

before 25 years

I am wearing two black eyes.

I fit them on last night with a man’s knuckles.

I talked to him slowly asked him for a cigarette he said no I could see the bulge in his pocket.

I don’t remember what happened next I found my way home.

My mother yelled said I smelled of the drink .

I was trying to watch "Cops".

Something got red and she was at the top of the stairs.

yelling you’re just like your father you’re just like your father.

I knew she wasn’t too bad hurt they were only six stairs.

I mean I love my mother she just runs her mouth sometimes.

I know they always tell me I should go where there are no warrants

I should check myself in.

I should go somewhere else.

I know all that but the bus schedules here are better than anywhere else.

I know all that.

Tomorrow maybe a guy owes me money.

I’ve got to see him first.

I know he’ll pay me.

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Comments

weirdelf

18 years 9 months ago

I thought it was true, first hand

experience when I read it so, yes, it works. I have lived the life you portray, with a different mother, and I don't know how but you captured it so well. My face shows the scars I fit with another mens knuckles. And other men bear the scars of mine. And I feel I should resent you for attempting this, but I don't. I think you could re-write the ending, perhaps with more menace, even impotent menace as is usually the case. cheers, Jess

Quillsvein1

18 years 9 months ago

Thank you

Jess! well, i've lived this halfway but i was actually writing from the perspective of someone else whom i've observed nearly my whole life. though i'm sure you can relate to parts of it, i doubt either of us quite have the mindset or emotional equipment of the person here. this was difficult to write in a way.

Conect11

18 years 9 months ago

same as Jess

when I first read this I thought it was first hand, so brav - f*cking - o, you made it work, lol. I've actually known this guy, I think we all have. It's interesting that nearly every sentence starts with "I." Alot of times when my poems begin to do that I ask myself if it's a sign of my ego taking over. Do you ever wonder that about your work? Totally not saying that about here, just in the context of conversation. I like the confessional style of this poem, another method you use very well. Mark

Quillsvein1

18 years 9 months ago

I wonder

about that very often, the whole ego thing--here it was absolutely intentional, an exercise in first person narrative, written from the perspective of a person who is not me. in my opinion the poet should always think of him/herself as a vehicle or an instrument and try to suppress the ego as much as possible. i myself have never been good with confessional poetry though i love poets like plath and nick flynn--writing it makes me feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, and self important. confessional poetry is the scourge of many contemporary poetry publications. people without the talent of a lowell or a plath feel their lives are interesting enough to plaster on the page with a few line breaks. as long as they have MFA degrees it usually gets published. go figure! thank you

infinite_dwarf

17 years 3 months ago

GB

Such a jaw-dropping piece. I especially liked the opening lines, and I was actually having an emotional response to the fella in your poem. It just made me want to grab him by his collar, smack him, and tell him how much he sucks! Pushing his mother down the stairs and all. Sign of a great write if it makes the reader feel something like that. Hope it wasn't you that you were writing about! ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"Handle every situation like a dog: if you can't eat it, or screw it, piss on it and walk away!"

Quillsvein1

17 years 3 months ago

lol

Thank you Jess! No, that person is decidedly the oppposite of me, though I have known someone like that (and worse) for many years. This poem is indeed based on a real person. He is still not stable. God Bless

infinite_dwarf

17 years 3 months ago

I'm such a dork!

Had a lighbulb moment.... I thought your initials were GB, when in fact you were saying God Bless as your signature. I'm sorry. I'll call you NY dude instead... how's that? ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- -"Handle every situation like a dog: if you can't eat it, or screw it, piss on it and walk away!"

Quillsvein1

17 years 3 months ago

lol

No problem! I think I've managed to confuse everyone with that--NY dude is fine with me! GB