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This Hate....

Where was this Hate born? Out of Eden she came.
That single piece of fruit,
Filled with knowledge of a different tale.
As the serpent whispered bittersweet
Truths into the ear of the maiden,
How was she to know that it was Lucifer’s deceit?
And that it would one day lead the race of men,
To murder and defeat. Suffocation, Decapitation,
Someone’s last breath is being taken.
The innocent’s blood is being soaked in damp earth,
And now a lover’s Final goodbye will never be heard.
Where was this Hate forged?
Configured like a virus this poison spread,
And now the followers of Muhammad sob on bended knee.
Are our souls still worth being saved?
Ripped flesh, and bullet wounds to the head,
Someone’s mother, father, and child are presumed dead.
So, how long now before judgment day?
Cause I can feel the angel of death at my side,
And I know it’s another person’s turn to die.

— Alijandra, Jul 19, 2007

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C

Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

you've got

some good questions here, Ali, and while the flow is severed and disjointed the abruptness of it actually works it this instance due to the subject matter. I get the feeling you didn't know when you wanted to end the poem so you finally kind of just stopped writing and tried to put a nice little bow on the end because the last sentence kind of bottoms out here. But overall what you have here is strong, biting, and formidable. Mark
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

just one technical point

centering just does not work with longer lines. I would align left on this one. A powerful read, a tad biblical to my taste 8) cheers, Jess
B

barbsdad2003

18 years 10 months ago

I Agree!

I am so in agreement here with Mark, John, Jess. Thanx to all three for saying what I'd like to. And thanx to the author of the piece. Chuck