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poet_inside
Jul 19, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Falling

Falling to the ground

My hair stringed and tangled

Slowly my hand reachs my head

Tips of my fingers

Running through my hair

Pauseing for a moment

My eyes float around

Picking up my left hand

I wipe the sweat from my face

Inhaleing deeply

With a quick release

My heart starts to pound

Barely able to face the sound

Holding my ears

Clutching them tightly

Pulling my knees to my chest

Gasping for breath

Chockeing, grabbing my neck

The colors slowly fade

Changeing from black to white

Seeing flashes from the past

Melting to the floor

Falling faster then before

As my eyes start close

I focus in once more

Razors baggies and a lot of white

My right hand drops

As I blink once more

I watch the staw roll across the floor

Takeing my last breath

As I fade away out of this world

— poet_inside, Jul 19, 2007
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Critiques

C

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

atta girl!

I read second chance first, now I'm reading this and assuming that maybe I should have read this first, as the two poems are a narrative. In that context both work fabulously. You delve into some dark reality here, and it hurts. You opened yourself up. THAT, young lady, is poetry. I could say "ah spelling, grammar, blah blah blah" but you'll fix those little things in time and with editing. The spirit of this poem is strong, and I applaud your bravery for putting it out there. Mark
P

poet_inside

18 years 11 months ago

Yes, I’ve been through a

Yes, I've been through a lot concidering I am only 22 I keep a lot of it in a book untouched, sometimes its just too hard to say it so I write it... I have a big problem with grammer yes I do, I should spell check in word but I just post it sorry. ( the spell check on here doesn't work ) ANyhow thank you so much. I am trying grow as a poet and trying to explore different areas so we'll see where this path leads... Thank you so much again. Brittany P.S, But I have overcome so much, my life is where I pull my insparation from, in darkness there is always light, In the deep there is always ground, you just simply have to open your eyes and look around. Life is a field of dreams, all you have to do is try, and not give up,took me a while to learn that.

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