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D

i did it well

 

                                  

 i did it well i met a boy i loved so well he stole my heart form me and now he wants to  set me, i ran strait home and cryed in bed not a single word i sed mom came home late that night, and looked for me both left and right , she ran up stares the door she broke, she found me hanging by a rope, in my jeans a note she found it read

                                               Dig a hole dig it deep

                                               marble stone from head to feet  

                                             and on the grave place a dove 

                                                      and tell the world  

                                                      i died fore love

                                 

— demon, Jul 19, 2007

Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 11 months ago

like I said in my greeting

I really don't know what to make of this. I'm going to assume that you spell this way for effect, to evoke the feeling of the young innocent girl. The lilting flow of the verse, the naivety of sentiment work effectively at building that whole impression. What does "to set me" mean? cheers, Jess
C

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

oh, the days of teenage angst!

they seemed so incredible then, and so typical now. You've got a touch of poetic flourish in here, and your wicked cleverness shines through. But the subject is very, very staid. Girl meets boy, girl falls for boy, boy leaves, girl hangs self over a boy which in 10 years would have turned out to be an unemployed wife beating alcoholic anyways. Ah, young love! The rhyme scheme bothers me a little, and only a little because while you stretch a couple of times to make your rhymes (hey! I just made a rhyme!) you don't stretch too far. A fine first posting, hope to see you become an active member of the community. Mark

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