blind

What strikes me most, I think, about your work is your effective and eclectic use of adjectives: like, as here, blue, pale, bruised, angry, numb, battered, tense, teary, pink, and blind. Very nice. Thanx, Chuck

and for the first time ever I think I shall say perhaps a bit too descriptive... ok, I've had some locker room type conversations that got "too descriptive" but that's another animal entirely. Like all your works you've got great depth and subtelty, it's just the first few lines just seem a tad "busy" for me. I love from the orchestra line on down, especially how you ended. The begining just didn't jell for me. Mark

the ending is stunning for me - nice ! You have a way with endings and images - a mastery Thanks, Mark

and Oh Wow! Took the wind out of me (not easy). In ink, David

You do have a grasp on your adjectives and an uncanny ability to distribute them throughout your work. Some things I might have considered here: Losing "quietly" and jumping right into "sitting numbly within a funhouse of rage" "battered orchestra of your veins" "in these tense knuckles" It's difficult to look at your work and consider improving it, especially since I am still adapting to whatever strange occurrence may have made me qualified to do so in the first place. The above are just subtle shifts of adjectives and lines to hold the image intact without tangling your reader in a mass of descriptiveness. ~ Ronda