You Know?

You know when you watch war documentaries and there are thousands of faceless bodies of men lying in the ditches all cuddeled up to one another on the ground in the mud or dust, all wearing identical uniforms, with blood and holes, their hearts no longer pump but pieces of flesh and their helmets weren’t much help even though they had a photo of their girlfriend or wife or kid or ma n’ pa or brother or sister in it because they got shot in the chest or stabbed in the back and accidentally fell into the grey abyss where nothing tastes much like anything and you feel kind of numb even though you’re bleeding and you have no idea where you are or when it’s going to end and even if you were alive the icy mud or the burning dust wouldn’t be worth living for anyway because you are just one in ten billion fighting for an unknown cause and your soul is turning grey because you think this has happened to you before?

that’s how i feel.