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Valentines

Don’t look away from me
Because our night is slowly ending
I can’t stand to be away
I can not let you leave
My heart can not stand to be
Away from yours
But look my way and see
Something we are all looking for
From the beginning to the end
‘Cause now we have finally found
A love that holds such sturdy ground
When we see what we have…

Don’t ever worry me
Our love is safe as can be
Let’s leave everything behind
Even at the end of life
Our hands could never be torn apart
As long as we hold each others hearts
But I have learned
Even when we are apart our hearts still burn
With the love we have when we are alone…
Cause now we say goodbye
To make way into our two separate lives
Connected by a love so strong
There is nothing that could be wrong

Like love in the movies
Everything planned out so perfectly
From the beginning to the end
Spending days apart
Wondering what draws our hearts
Together in the end

Don’t look away from me
Because our night is slowly ending
This is all I want to be…

— A. M. Painter, Jul 06, 2007

Critiques

weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 11 months ago

Rhyme

hey painter, this is pretty good, poignant, touching. I think your efforts to rhyme are letting you down. Read the poem out loud. If the words and rhyme flow easily, it's working, when a rhyming word is not quite right, change it. Rhyme is like garlic, a useful servant but a terrible master. Still looking forward to something not about love, cheers, Jess

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