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Hand Games

Each beat is just as important as the next.
Every moment is precious,
one hesitation can destroy everything.
Any moment lost
is lost forever,
never to be seen again.
Never can one truly appreciate the simplicity of things coming
until they are lost,
perhaps forever.
So hold fast to the moments
That you can play the game,
because the sounds of the games are crisp and clear
when you can play with a lover.
One cannot play alone, however,
Without another
you will only be hitting the emptiness around you,
the emptiness tearing
at your insides.

— bknybaby, Jul 04, 2007

Critiques

Rottiestyl

Rottiestyl

18 years 10 months ago

Hard hitting

facts of life in this. " because the sounds of the games are crisp and clear." Best line in here. Loved the whole thing really. K. Mulroney
B

bknybaby

18 years 10 months ago

Help : )

Thanks for the comments but I feel somehow that this piece is incomplete. Any suggestions on how I could improve this one? Renee
Rottiestyl

Rottiestyl

18 years 10 months ago

My suggestion

would be to take this: One cannot play alone, however, Without another you will only be hitting the emptiness around you, the emptiness tearing at your insides. to something like this: Fear would be solo play. flailing silent. Hitting the emptiness, Tearing the insides, Out. But, that's only the way I see those words. You have to do it your own voice. Hoped this helps. K. Mulroney
LC

Lenny of Cohen

18 years 10 months ago

Again

Renee, you have painted a truthful image in your poem. Lenny
B

bknybaby

18 years 10 months ago

Help : )

Thanks for the comments but I feel somehow that this piece is incomplete. Any suggestions on how I could improve this one? Renee

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