To a Love Lost

I sit and I wait,
a thin film of black obscuring my visage,
for the day you and I will be reunited.
Alone in my room,
I sit and I ponder–
when that day will be I have not decided.
I sit in all black,
the same clothes I wore
the day you and I were divided.
The exception being
the black veil
I now wear to protect what you prided.

No other man shall lay his hands nor his eyes on me,
not my body, my soul, nor my mind.
The feel of your embrace, the caress of your lips
without doubt they were one of a kind.

I’ve made my decision, painful but clear
to resolve my inward strife.
The only way I will feel you warmth again,
tomorrow I end my own life.

— bknybaby, Jul 04, 2007

Critiques

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

ok...

first welcome to neopoet! Secondly I apologize but I'm going to bunch all of my first reviews for you up in this review. Next, I absolutely refuse, refuse, refuse to believe you're a high school student, most write nothing but trite sh*t and yours have tons of promise... plus you make mention of your wedding in one. From what I've seen your writing is fantastic for that age range. Ironically, the poem here I think is the weakest out of what you've posted so far, kind of clunky and the last stanza? The kind of thing that I would smack my writer friends on the back of the head and say "what is THAT garbage?" That being said I hope you never seriously consider what you mentioned in that last line. On the other hand, "Addicted" was fantastic, raw, meant to be slammed at a club, just, just f*cking brilliant. I'm sorry you had to live that, but you did a great service to that memory. Mark

bknybaby

18 years 11 months ago

Thanks

First I would like to say thank you very much for taking time to read my work and I appreciate your comments. I would also like to say I absolutely loved your poem "Uncertainties" it had undeniable truth to it. Also, I took some "creative liberty" in adding the line about my wedding as I am only in high school :) I look forward to reading more of your work.

bknybaby

18 years 11 months ago

Thanks

First I would like to say thank you very much for taking time to read my work and I appreciate your comments. Also, I took some "creative liberty" in adding the line about my wedding as I am only in high school :) I look forward to reading some work of yours.

bknybaby

18 years 10 months ago

Thanks!

Thank you so much for your critique. To a Love Lost is based on a true story and the last stanza was a necessary element although I do agree with you that it is the weakest :) Thanks for your kind words about Addicted, I poured all of myself into that one Renee

Lenny of Cohen

18 years 10 months ago

Such

intensity! Bravo Renee, your writing is powerful. I am sorry for your suffering, and wish you future happiness. Lenny

bknybaby

18 years 10 months ago

Thank you : )

You are so kind Lenny. You inspire me to continue sharing my work, something I have been afraid to do for quite some time. Renee

poet_inside

18 years 10 months ago

Good

I believe this is a deep hearted, soul poem so to say. Its hard for a writer to reach into their soul and pull out words that may hurt more now then when the pain first came into effect. The last stanza, I give you applause for, when something must be written for what you feel to come out in the writing brings you to the core of the subject. It is sad but true in so many cases, the thought is bad but sometimes it’s a feeling you just can’t hide, I can relate. I liked the poem! Have a good one! Brittany Rae

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