resting

welcome to a common sometimes place for all who seek never actualy been to a desert not wealthy enough or close enough however i have read many great books on deserts and watched much about people who actually seek out what this mysterious place is all about perhaps only the Bedouins would truly know all but then again the great emptiness the hollow the pit the hunger to lay awake with self doubt maybe in my day i was told i was ineffectual as a child before bed maybe self belief just wasnt high on the priorities of raising children in a small town in Middle Ontario or maybe i was just sensitive being raised by war and depression bred people who busted their ass's to get what they had met my woman and she sent me to therapy lots of it whatever i could get that was free from the province it was a turning point i still have shame for feeling like a failure and i feel like a fake at work smiling all the time and laughing when in reality im sulking or pissed off but truth is all im doing is learning a new structure of being deserts are cold at night very cold and of course hot in the day then there is water to bring and of course most important food from what i have read and have heard from groups rehabs meetings freinds therapists the core beliefs if we dont somehow believe that we are important at that magical age then there is that imprint that shadow that haunts us asking for help is my greatest weakness it was a disgusting thing in my youth im just learning now so you have asked for help here on this site and i find that amazing it gives me hope now i know that one other person does this on my favourite web site to date believe in yourself again if you have too its the beginning ..O..