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VD
Vincient Destructo
Jun 28, 2007 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

5:07 am

Vh1 classsic flashes me back to the eighties with Tears For Fears

fears from fears of what the rash on my leg might be related to and the twilight ponderance of why i’m still awake

the midnight oil was burnt out a couple of hours ago

so what fuels this alertness

no substances have been comsumed tomorrow isn’t a day of gloom so why does sleep allude me

i have nothing on my mind but the death of the radiostar and film footage not yet non fiction.

Well atleast the day time will be amusing

my zombie attire will do the day fine……………

— Vincient Destructo, Jun 28, 2007
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Critiques

andrew

andrew

18 years 11 months ago

Good start

Really liked the line, "the midnight oil was burnt out..." but from there, it feels uneven. Perhaps this deserved some revision - after you got a full night sleep
W

Word

18 years 11 months ago

Thanks

Really enjoyed the flow, but the last two lines dot fit because of the ine ine sound. Short, sweet and simple. Insomnia is a bum in a half....I remember those days....Oh wait, Im going through them now...AHH.... Your 5th lines that begins with so does not read the way you probably want it to be read because there needs to be a break between consumed and tomorrow and also when you ask the question so why does sleep allude me. (These are all suggestions and I aplogize if they appear more demanding) I kinda want you to elaborate on this, you've created some good imagery! Thanks for the read peace
C

Conect11

18 years 11 months ago

I like

your allusions to modern music, and your verse flow, however I agree with the other comments here regarding explanation, etc.

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