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something is always there

There is someone in the morning.

Some one you may barely see.

But it is always there.

To be with you and never leave.

It is there when you speak.

But will never disturb.

When you go take a walk.

It is there beside you it will lie.

But it won’t be absurd

It is there when you are swimming in a pool.

It is there when you think you’re alone.

It is there when your pick it up.

It is there when you’re on the phone.

It is there when you’re outside.

It is there when you’re watching TV.

It is there when you’re listening to music,

It is there when you’re eating.

It is there when you’re sick and feel bad.

IT is there when you feel down and mad.

Maybe it will make me feel better and glad.

It is there when I am writing.

It is there when I am taking a bath.

It is there when I am playing.

Or laughing with friends.

It is my shadow

that will be there till the end.

 

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B

barbsdad2003

18 years 10 months ago

Needs Some Editing Tweaks

I like it, though. Good use of a rampant repetition. Which I mean as a compliment. No sarcasm or irony intended. Thanx, Chuck
C

Conect11

18 years 10 months ago

A well thought out poem

a nice, well thought out poem, Lith. I like your decending repetion. What I'm a little wary of is how you change from "your" to "me / I" very suddenly. I really think in this context you'd best be served either leaving it "your" throughout the poem, or "me / I" throughout the poem. Also I would ask you to check your punctuation throughout. You have a lot of single lines that could flow really well if you use a comma, or no punctuation at all in place of a period. Just a few thoughts. Good work! Mark
weirdelf

weirdelf

18 years 10 months ago

I really like this, lithium

and I agree with mark and chuck. One thought occurs to me what about when it is completely dark? is it gone or is it you? cheers, Jess
O

orgami

18 years 8 months ago

reflective shadows dance

i read your grand poem beginning to end very well done waiting for the end for the question or leson that sometimes accompanies some works like this but it was a simple message that we have substance that we leave a shadow that we are not invisible at all !! fantastic loved it very much ..O..